A Treasure to Carry
The Lord continues to bless me with encouragement when he knows I need it the most. A few months ago I went searching online to see if I could find our little man’s orphanage. I want to know where it is, to look it up on google maps, to see pictures, to imagine him there. But between having little idea about where to start and having to translate all those sites from Russian to English on google translate, I didn’t get very far. I looked through hundreds of orphanage pictures, hoping I recognize something in the background from the photos we have of out little guy… hoping I’d maybe even have some sort of motherly sense to just know which “baby house,” as they say in Russia, was his. But I did not.
Until today.
Through the miracle of the internet and what I’d say is God’s gracious guiding, I found it. A woman I connected with on a private adoption-related forum (hi M!) found my etsy shop. She bought a t-shirt and sent me a link to the website of her son’s orphanage, asking if perhaps our son was there too. I clicked on to the site and saw that it was one I had visited before. I wasn’t sure it would lead to anything, but still- I cut and paste every piece of wording into google translate and kept clicking around, hoping and hoping until…
Until I suddenly saw his sweet face and soft smile looking back at me. I inhaled sharply and tears prickled at my eyes. It was one of the pictures we already have of him, but just to know…. to know where he is… to see the faces of his peers, his playmates, his friends… this is a gift I treasure deeply tonight.
There is only one picture of his orphanage on the website and I’ve memorized it already. The white walls, the gray floor, the pine table and chairs, the colorful toys, the old fashioned play-pen like my parents would have played in. The room it sterile, but bright- filled with sunlight from large windows- and clean. It gives my mother’s heart some peace. A treasure, that picture. A gift for my soul.
On the site, the children in the baby house are “listed” with a picture and short description. The words used to describe our sweet son echo the descriptions his nannies have given us through our agency: quiet, gentle, tender, sweet. Our precious, precious, baby boy. Oh God how I long to cup his face in my hands, to stroke his head and push back his hair, to whisper, “My love. My baby. My son.” Do that for him today, I pray. Warm his heart until it glows with my love, from miles and miles away.
Today, for this gift, I am thankful. For a peek into his world. For a gaze into the eyes of the children with whom he spends every day. For a connection with another mama whose son waits with mine.
Until I carry him in my arms, I treasure these gifts in my heart. I carry him in my heart, today.
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Jillian Burden
Jillian Burden is an expectant mama; she and her husband are expecting their first child by way of a Russian adoption. While her belly might not be expanding, her heart and her faith sure are growing! You can read about this soul stretching journey to parenthood on her blog.
Response
Imagine yourself in a stadium, surrounded by people. Sports match, Music concert; either way, there is a buzz in the air. You are waiting for something to happen, the goal to be scored, your song to be played. And then it happens. And the crowd goes wild. Everyone is on their feet, screaming, clapping, stamping, smiling. You can feel the excitement and joy in the crowd.
This is kind of the response I expected when we told people we were adopting. We had been through a process of trying and being disappointed, wanting a baby but not getting there. Then we made the decision to adopt and suddenly hope returned and our world became such an exciting place full of anticipation and exhilaration. And so I would go around telling all I could “We are adopting! We are going to be a family!”
And yet, the response we got was often not one of matched excitement and enthusiasm, but rather of slight shock, a bit of confusion, and a polite “Congrats.” Not what I was expecting! Don’t get me wrong, our close friends and family (especially those who had walked our journey with us) were supportive and happy. But others who we shared it with just could not seem to get it. One person stuck their hands in the air about to jump as they heard “we have some exciting news…”, but when we completed the sentence with “we are adopting” the hands went down and the shout of joy was choked on, with a mumbled “that’s so nice” afterwards.
A lot of people are not where we are in the journey. For us announcing our adoption is like announcing we are pregnant, for others it takes a while to sink in. Many have questions but they don’t know how to verbalize it. Why? Can’t you have biological kids? How did you get to this decision? And so instead of the celebratory hugs and high fives we sit and discuss our process and help people see where our heart is. There is nothing wrong with this. In fact, I love getting the opportunity to share with others the joy that our anticipated adopted child brings us and the journey God has walked with us. But a part of me selfishly wants people to fawn over me with kisses and hugs, squeals of delight and gushes of admiration; the kind of response I have seen friends get when they announce their pregnancy.
But I remember that we are not adopting for the response we will get. We do not need others to be excited for us for it to seem more real – it IS real, and awesome and good! I do not need to put so much importance on what others think of me and my family.
And, I know without a doubt, that my Heavenly Father is jumping up and down, hands in the air, shouting “My darling daughter is going to be a Mommy!”
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Jane Hampton
My name is Jane. I am a woman, a wife, a friend, a sister, a teacher, and a soon-to-be mother. I love God, love my husband, love children, love marriage, and love family – people living and relating with one another through life. Check out my blog and follow our journey to parenthood here.
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If you’d like to read another mother’s suggestions of how to respond when you hear the words, “We’re adopting!,” please check out this link. And, maybe share it if needed.
Whose RAD is it, anyway?
Over the last couple of months, I’ve spent some time with a few psychologists doing basic routine assessments for a few of my kids.
One meeting included me having a serious discussion on the developmental aspects of my Chinese adoptee with only one loopy dangley earring. The other ear: naked. Call me a crazy homeschooling mother of many.
The other psychologist? She was not impressed with our less than “typical” lifestyle with under the breath comments like, “That’s a passel of kids. You certainly have your hands full” and “So, your child doesn’t have any friends because you never socialize with other kids” after I relayed the multitude of activities we participate in on a weekly basis. Swallow hard, carry on.
When your kids come to you at 8 years, or 5 years, or 5 weeks old for that matter, a lot has happened in their lives. More than we will ever know, and it is advantageous to gather as much information in every possible way.
Being informed helps us.
understand the past,
deal with the present,
plan for the future.
As I was talking to the psychologist about my child, she had the nerve to suggest that during a particularly prickly stage with my child, the bonding and attachment was compromised. Not the child’s. Mine. Ouch. I took that nugget home to think about with my tail between my legs.
Yes, she actually said I have attachment issues.
Time for [Insert deep announcer's voice]…confessions of an adoptive mom:
I love my children. I really do.
Yet, sometimes, there is one that is very hard to like.
All that history that I wasn’t part of?
It gets in the way.
Of my understanding. It disrupts my compassion.
And the truth of it all?
God has given me a vehicle for growth.
A way to learn more about how Jesus loved the unlovable.
And, He did exactly that in the best possible way.
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Jennifer Peterson
Jennifer Peterson is wife to one faithful man and mom of 9. After the first three came along, they became foster parents and adopted 5 kids including 2 sets of siblings. Jennifer and her husband Bob are currently in China to adopt an 8-year-old boy with a heart condition who has been waiting a long time for his forever family. Join the journey here as they ponder how and where God will stretch them next.
The Sin of Our Generation
“I believe that this could very well be looked back on as the sin of our generation. I look at my parents and ask, where were they during the civil rights movement? I look at my grandparents and ask, what were they doing when the holocaust in Europe was occurring with regard to the Jews, and why didn’t they speak up? And when we think of our great, great, great-grandparents, we think how could they have sat by and allowed slavery to exist? And I believe that our children and their children, 40 or 50 years from now, are going to ask me, what did you do while 40 million children became orphans in Africa?”
–Rich Stearns, President of World Vision
I first read this quote awhile ago but came across it again recently and it hit me in a much different way. I don’t want to make light of what Mr. Stearns is saying. I believe that the orphan crisis in Africa and around the world could very well be called the “sin of our generation”. (Second maybe to evangelism, or lack-there-of) And he is obviously very intelligent and wise. It’s pretty clear he also loves Jesus.
But, my fear is not that my children or grandchildren will question my response to this crisis. My fear is that my Creator, the Creator of those precious orphans, will ask me and a host of self-proclaiming Christians one day “What did you do while 156 million children became orphans around the world?”
I’m not as worried about what people will say or think; most people will have no idea that I even existed in 75 years. My mist will be long gone.
If there are 225 million of us (adult Christ followers) in the US and upwards of half a million of them (orphans) in the US as well, shouldn’t simple math tell you that something is very wrong? Even if you look at the global statistics, the believers in the US alone could (I’m not at ALL suggesting that we should, in fact, BAD idea) care for all of the orphans in the entire world.
I understand that something IS very wrong. We live in a fallen world where there exists sin and hatred and brokenness and heartbreak and cancer and orphans. But God knew this did he not? He knew that the fallen world would look and feel very… fallen.
But God calls us to be the light, the salt, to go and tell about his Son, to care for the poor, the oppressed, the widow, the orphan… He commands us to these things knowing how difficult it would be and the hardship it would bring. But he promises us eternal rewards, not temporary ease and comfort. He lived here himself. He felt it for himself. No one knows the depth and magnitude of our fallen world more than the One who was slain for it.
There are plenty of people who will tell you what you want to hear. Thank God there are also people who will tell you the truth. The truth is, that caring for orphans and vulnerable children is hard and exhausting and messy and will bring suffering and fiery darts.
I know some of these things first hand, but not all of them. Someone loved me enough to share their story, to be real with me and to prepare me for what lies ahead. It’s also all over the Bible. (Just sayin’.) Suffering should be expected, even more so when we are obeying His commands.
As Matt Chandler so aptly puts it, I would much rather, on that day when I meet my Maker, say to him that I took him for his word, that I thought he meant what he said and ask forgiveness for maybe being a bit too bold or harsh. (I know some of you are thinking right now “Amen sister, you’ll be asking!”) I would rather say that, than to say that I thought he was kidding. Or didn’t really mean it. Or that I ignored his commands.
It could be today that I meet Him. It could be today that you meet Him. And Jesus will cover our laziness and He will cover our arrogance and He will cover our apathy. But the tension is what it looks like when we live in obedience now. We are here now to make disciples.
156 million orphans turned disciples adopted into His Kingdom would be a powerful army for Christ, wouldn’t they?
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Lindsy Wallace
Lindsy and her husband William lead the Orphan Care Ministry at Antioch Church in Louisville, Kentucky and are passionate about sharing God’s love for the fatherless and caring for orphans as a family. Their desire is to provide Believers with practical ideas and encouragement for orphan care and adoption. The Wallace’s have been married for six years, have two biological children and two children currently living with them through the Safe Families program. They have been pursuing international adoption from Africa for three years. Lindsy blogs about orphan care, adoption and more at www.wordfromthewallaces.blogspot.com and can be reached at wordfromthewallaces @ gmail . com.
She is not an orphan
I’ve always been a “suck it up” kind of person but when Jaydn came along I made a huge effort to be a real softy even though it hurt, a lot, and I got really worn out. As time has distanced us from her past I made a shift and had expected others to follow along. Jaydn has a family, a loving home and all that a child needs to thrive now. Yet for some reason people still act as if they need to give her extra attention or allow certain behaviors they would never normally be okay with because, well, you know, she’s…
I know I sound like a crazy woman but think about it: if you are lighting up like a Christmas tree at the sight of my youngest daughter but hardly notice my other two, why is that?! If you let Jaydn climb all over you while you sit on the couch trying to exchange a sentence with me but would be annoyed if anyone else’s 3 year old mistook you for a jungle gym, why the sudden acceptance of such behavior? If you are asking for a hug from Jaydn and not the other two kids standing in front of you, how might that make them as spectators feel?
I whole-heartedly believe that no one comes into our home or interacts with our family with this mindset intentionally but allow me to explain a few of the results for us as a family.
1. Attachment with Jaydn has been opposite than most cases you hear about. She goes to where the attention is. So anytime you make her stand out and into the spot light against her siblings, she would rather walk off with you than stay around me, her mom who has to share attention equally. Of course we make moments where each child is celebrated individually but its intentional and purposeful for the sake of ALL our children.
2. My other kids see people draw Jaydn out from our family and it causes some tension that often results in increased control of their baby sister at home. Almost like an “everyone else may think you need more attention but I will put you in your place” attitude. I watch those two as they see the focus shift to Jaydn so often in public and it breaks my heart.
3. Ultimately it is no ones job to bring healing to our daughter’s past but God, through us her parents. We are called to give her the needed attention and extra effort that she needs. Until she has established a bond to us and us to her, this act of meeting her needs can only come from Nathan and I.
I am not asking for people to ignore Jaydn, just to consider and acknowledge if there is a draw to Jaydn more than other kids and if so, ask why. If it is for any other reason than she and you click in personality, then please attempt to balance out the attention. It does more harm than good to our family to show favortism to our youngest child because of her past rather than calling her into her present and future that is so full of love from those of us in her home.
Maybe this is my slant in personality but I expect Jaydn to grow in her home environment. I really must stress to the world that JAYDN ISN’T AN ORPHAN. She is my daughter and the more we all treat her based on her past instead of her present, the harder it is for her to move away the manipulation and attention seeking nature that she used before coming home. Our desire as a family is to teach her healthy social interaction for her age, the art of meeting a stranger, a respect for personal space, attachment to family members, how to take time to get to know someone new before you introduce physical touch etc. All of these things take effort on our behalf and understanding from those around us.
I have seen some major steps forward in Jaydn regarding this stuff when others interact with her in a healthy way. We were at a large gathering and someone came up and said hello to Jay without reaching for her at all. She didn’t respond until the person said their name. Then she turned to me and said, “I don’t know (insert name).” I said, “You are right Jaydn! You don’t know (insert name). Would you like to meet her?” Then she turned around and shook hands with the person while exchanging names and then she ran off. I was so proud.
In another instance someone asked Jadyn for a hug and she turned to me with a look that basically asked if it was ok. While I would have preferred this person not to have asked, I wanted to encourage the response from Jaydn and said it was ok. When she tried to stay with this person I had to gently remove her and gave her a hug of my own.
So you can see that progress is possible if we work together to create a healthy environment for every child. Regardless of how well you know someone, help us teach children healthy interactions by following a parent’s lead and trusting that we know what is best for our kids based on their personality, not their past.
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I have been married for over 9 years to a worship pastor/ a rock star/most involved and intentional dad I have ever seen! Together, we have the privilege of parenting three amazing children (Jaxon- 7, Jovie- 4, and Jaydn 3) and another is on the way! Jaydn came to us by way of adoption from Uganda, Africa. I enjoy photography, adventure recreation, and teaching high-school students about Jesus. Follow along as we travel the adoption road at LOVE RUNS DEEPER THAN BLOOD or my personal blog at PERSPECTIVE.
For his Birthfather: I’m doing the best I can, sir.
When I was messing with your hair that day, right after this picture was taken, my heart took a left when I figured it would have taken a right.
To the right would have been throwing you on the sofa and tickling you until you fart.
To the left was that place I accidentally stumble into every few months.
That place that looks, tastes, smells, and feels funny.
The last few strokes of your hair I imagined your father’s hair.
It must feel similar to this.
It must be light and wispy.
I wonder, right now, if his fingers are running through his hair.
But he’s probably wearing a hat.
I wonder if his hands smell like the fish that he has been catching all day.
I hope they do, or his day would have sucked.
I wonder if they are more calloused than they were a year ago.
I’m sure those nets are a pain.
I wonder if when he looks at them…he wonders about yours.
And so I walked outside, looked up to the sky, and screamed…”He’s OK!!!!”
When I walked back into the house I had this romantic thought that maybe…
Right before I looked up…
You got off your fishing boat…
Looked up…
And screamed
?????????!!!!!!!
(Is my son OK?!)
Then I looked at the clock and realized it was 2 am in Seoul.
I got sad for a second…that my dream was a joke…
Until I realized…
He was probably dreaming of you.
Laying on his wispy hair.
I’m doing the best I can sir…
I promise…
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Carlos Whittaker is an artist, pastor, thinker, experience architect, and Web 2.0 junkie. He and his wife Hetaher have 3 children. In November 2006 they adopted their son Losiah from Seoul Korea. Carlos lives to ignite a movement of authenticity among all generations of Christians that morphs the face of the evangelical church into a place of being real with yourself, others, and God.
About a Father: When a Man Loves a Woman
He came home from a morning prayer meeting and said, “I think we need to go now.”
My heart dropped into my stomach and it was as if I lost nine years’ work in nine seconds. Back again to newlywed – nearly heart-dead from crafting schemes to win him to my ways. All so that I wouldn’t have to trust.
“Now?” I said. Although my four-page trip prep checklist was nearly completed, we still had no sign of a court date. And the Ugandan courts closed July 15th for the summer recess. If we went now, we chanced staying months in-country and breathing in all the emotional and financial expenditures that come from raising a family of four (or six) in temporary living quarters.
So I grilled him.
Why now? Where did this thought come from? Is this direction from God or just a boyhood craving for adventure?
Woman reverted back to girl, as if my wedding dress were freshly boxed. I looked at him as an opponent, seeking to rob my security more than the proven ally he was.
Nothing about adoption is safe. We sign papers and write checks and make mental timelines as if any part of this process is secure, and then are shocked when the battle waged in the heavenlies over these children’s lives intersects the natural and becomes our reality.
The fields of the fatherless are war-stained.
So when Nate made his suggestion to do the unconventional, and put my family of four on a plane with such uncertainty at its destination, I forgot what I signed up for. He’s crazy, I thought, as if even choosing to “disrupt” our steady-lives with the entry of two more – out of the birth order and past the years where pain can hide behind memory loss – was not crazy, even by my own standards.
So we got on our faces. Me, asking for confirmation. Him, balancing the certainty of what he thought we were to do and his wife’s faint heart.
Hours sitting in this pending decision revealed truth.
This had little to do with the outcome and everything to do with the weak walls I’d erected around my heart.
Here we go again.
The age-old story of our marriage came back to the same fault line. Trust. I had spent half a decade building a case around why the boy who came into my life at twenty-two, now man, was still unworthy of my greatest heart’s expression. I spent the other half- decade warding off supporting arguments for that case, often unsuccessfully.
Defense was never His intended position for my marriage.
So He gave me opportunities to advance. To take real ground. To see the strength in the man I was given, in the same way He sees the beauty in this weak-hearted woman who was his bride. To call me out of stale patterns of thinking and into the enchantment that is marriage — offered for every marriage, not just the perfected one.
Because really, every issue in my marriage can find its source in a brokenness between me and my heavenly Father.
Six days and ten bags later, we left. Our lawyer said “don’t come”*, our agency advised strongly against it* and my insecure heart chose to follow the lead of the man He had given me. I’m pretty sure I had missed many dress rehearsal opportunities to practice trust, but something inside of me said it’s not too late.
The stakes were high but the wee hours of the night revealed a little girl’s heart who longed to unclench her fists and fall deep into the safety of my Daddy.
I was created to trust.
And my Father didn’t make a mistake when He gave me a man so other that He would challenge my most guarded methods of self-preservation.
In the five weeks which proceeded from our last minute jump on a plane, I saw arguably more of the holy hand of God than in all of my life up until that point. Mountains fell into the sea and the waters were parted before us. He made us Israel and our children the descendents of history-made.
We returned a family.
We stepped off the international flight which bridged the ocean between my children’s birth-country and their new home, battle-scarred and ragged, yet made to be glorious displays of His splendor.
All because Nate said yes when the Lord said go.
All because He gave me a man who would patiently lead me off the precipice of my fears in order that I might have an encounter with trust.
All because He mercifully dismantles the walls we put up between us and Him …. and is unrelenting about the display of His glory in us.
*Please don’t do this at home! Or, better put, please only under Parental supervision get on a plane and travel halfway around the world despite your lawyer’s wishes. We so appreciated the wise advice from our agency and their support along the way. In following the Lord’s lead to go to Uganda, we weighed their caution heavily. Our story is not a principle, nor a radical move for the sake of being radical — it was a knees-shaking-while-we-board-that-plane response to what we believed to be God’s prompting. We walked a painstaking process of listening to God, and respecting the authorities He put in place through this process. While on the surface it may look like we were bull-dog Americans, we went with the desire to respect the systems through which He is working adoptions and with the willingness to stay long-term if that was His plan.
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Sara Hagerty
Sara and her husband, Nate, have been married 10 years. They brought home their two children from Ethiopia in 2010 and two more from Uganda in 2011. They have a heart for prayer and to see people touched by the love of Jesus. And, they are excited to be journeying to the East Coast in February 2013 to share their hearts with others, serving as keynote speakers at The Sparrow Fund’s first adoptive couples’ retreat. What started as a blog chronicling the ups and downs of adoption has become a passion for Sara. You can read more of her musings on orphans, walking with God through pain and perplexity . . . and spinach juice at Every Bitter Thing Is Sweet.
For Fathers On the Fence
Every now and again, I feel compelled to talk to the Dads out there. The new Dads, the old Dads, the soon to be Dads, and even the ‘WhoooMyGoshHowDidThisHappenToMe’ Dad. And, since it’s Father’s Day, I’ve got an invitation to do that.
We sometimes, bless our little souls, feel inadequate to be a father. Kind of lost in the parental landscape dominated by Moms.
Yes sir, right from the 1st time we got pregnant, my wife had books like What to Expect When You Are Expecting… and it was a thick book! It talked about about the baby stages of development, the zygote stage, the embryonic stage, the platypus stage. It talked about changes in the mothers body, mood swings, things to look forward too, and stories of joy and happiness.
I got a similar book, except it was really just a handwritten note by a fellow father which simply read “Crazy. Expect Crazy.”
With adoption, all the books are about attachment and disorders and getting in touch with one’s feelings and emotional connections to your child and bonding…stuff. These types of things fall distinctly in the realm of the womanly way of dealing with things. If these books were written by men, for men, they would be the same as that handwritten note from my fellow father all those years ago…“Crazy. Expect Crazy.”
Then, when the kids get a little older, there are mom and tots play groups, coffee breaks for moms, moms group at church, and so on and so on. All these wonderful ways to build a healthy relationship between mom and child. A very woman dominated society in raising the children.
Men do have something similar…except that we leave the children at home with the moms, and we go play golf.
Yes, society has done a wonderful job of isolating us men AWAY from the process of “children.” There is little encouragement (except for our wives BEGGING us to actually be active participants in the process) for us to get involved with the pregnancy, early years or emotional side of adoption. And when we DO try to get engaged, we feel that we are invading the mother’s turf.
I remember one time that I went to the Neo-Nazi-BreastFeeding-Womans-Group… er, La Leche League, and I think EVERY woman there wanted to kill me for being a man (including my own wife). It’s a wonderful group though, seriously, which helps new moms learn how to breastfeed. Look ladies, if I could lactate, I would have! It’s not my fault I don’t have mammary glands! Us Dads are reduced to spectators in the childrearing process more than we would like!
Well enough of it! So I figured it was about time someone stood up for us DADs, and found us some good role models!!! So what better place to turn than the Bible… Lets look at some Dad role models in the Bible to encourage us DADs in our quest to be better Fathers and Husbands!
Adam
Key to Fame: 1st Dad in the Bible…well, except for God.
Outstanding Parental Achievement: … um, fathered most of mankind.
Results of Parenting: One of his children killed 25% of the worlds population (Cain + Able, Gen. 4)
Okay, maybe NOT the best example…let me find another one…
Abraham (Genesis 22)
Key to Fame: Considered the father of Israel. Still had game into his 90s!
Outstanding Parental Achievement: Had 2 sons. Many descendants, countless as the stars in the sky.
Results of Parenting: Almost sacrificed one of his sons on an alter. Kicked his other son (and his mother) out of the house at the tender age of 4(ish). The descendants of both sons are still at war to this day.
Ummmm… moving on!
Noah (Genesis)
Key to Fame: Built a big boat.
Outstanding Parental Achievement: With his sons and daughter in laws, they repopulated the earth.
Results of Parenting: After getting off the boat, and being stuck for 40 days and 40 nights with his kids, he immediately got drunk and passed out (Genesis 9:20~24).
David (Samuel, wrote many books in the bible as well)
Key to Fame: Killed the giant Goliath. King of Isreal. Was noted as having a “heart after God’s own heart” (bad husband and friend though… seriously, had one of his best friends hand deliver his death sentence to his commanding officer).
Outstanding Parental Achievement: Had some kids.
Results of Parenting: One of his kids tried to kill him. David wound up having his kid killed in a battle over the throne. There might have been something about some woman and adultery and such…
Okay, you know what. Forget it. I’m just gonna skip on over this all and wrap this up before I get into more trouble.
So, WHY point all this out?
Only to remind us DADs, that no matter HOW hard parenting looks…
No matter how SCARED we are about having kids…
… about adoption.
… about pregnancy.
… about making mistakes.
… about being a bad father.
… about feeling inadequate.
… about all those things and SO many more we are unable to articulate except though far off stares, the odd guttural grunting and cooking some meat on the bar-b-q as “protein based therapy”…
… is the simple truth that if THOSE guys up there, Adam, Abraham, Noah, David, YOUR Dad, MY DAD, or any other Man who has stood in the place of a father figure which may have been missing in your life…
IF they can do it. Then by the good graces of God, YOU and I can do it.
So lets stop being sidelined, stand up, and have the courage, strength and “lacking of common sense” that is required to thinking being a Dad is a good idea, and rush headlong into this fatherhood thing with all that is within us!
Even if all you can muster up today, is “You know, maybe we could consider adoption”, I’m sure it would mean the world to your wife… and you just never know where that fatherhood journey might lead you…
… hopefully not to an alter trying to sacrifice one of your children though. That would be bad. Although, when they hit about 2 years old… totally understandable.
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Adrian Berzenji
Adrian and Roberta have been married for over 13 years. They were married for 1 year when they decided to “wait 3 to 5 years” before having children. They bought a 1-bedroom condo and a 2-door car and were pregnant 2 weeks later. Nine months later, Kole was born. Shortly thereafter, their second son Dawson was born. Gemma came 4 years later. They were pregnant with Ping for about 2 years, but she came to them in November 2009 from China and was followed by Little Bing (see adorable boy in the picture above). Adrian blogs about their family story and daily life here. Visit and be impacted…and amused by his wit.
From a Father: Until Today
To my precious new baby girl,
We’ve been separated for what seems like a lifetime, only a dream in your mommy and daddy’s heart… until today. We have spent years imagining what it would be like to hold you and kiss you and shower our affection upon you. You’ve been solely in our hearts, minds and imaginations… until today.
So much preparation, so much prayer, so much excitement, so much time and now we arrive at this perfect and God-appointed moment to meet you, our sweetheart. Strangers to one another… until today.
As we entered your country 4 days ago, your mommy and I were so excited to finally be here and be closer to you. Foreigners in a country in which you were born but knowing that God had a plan for our lives to intersect. Foreigners to one another… until today.
We now only have 3 small hours to wait for you. As I write this, you are getting ready to leave the only place you know as home. Those who have loved you are getting you up, dressing you, feeding you, making you laugh, helping to comfort you so you’re not scared. God provided these precious people to take care of you. The only ones who were able to love you in person… until today.
I am so excited to introduce you to your new mommy. She loves you so much. Watching her loving you from a distance; only knowing you from a few short pages and 5 pictures and yet fully loving you. I love to see her heart of love and compassion for you. You are getting a great mommy; the best, in fact. You don’t know her, sweetie… until today.
Today, today, today… what a day! You’ve been ours even before we knew you. You’ve been ours the last 2 months. But today we meet you, our love. Today we wrap our arms around you. Today we begin to introduce you to the love of your true Father and are so glad that we have that privilege. You don’t know your Father in heaven yet but He’s been protecting you and watching over you. We can’t wait for you to know Him and experience His saving grace. We haven’t had the chance to begin showing His love to you… until today!
We’re coming for you, honey. Today is a wonderful day.
Love,
Daddy
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Todd Whitney
Todd Whitney is the busy father to five, coming up on 6 kids. When he isn’t working to keep The Gang all fed, he enjoys hanging out poolside, working in his garden, and working around the house. He has a big heart for Chinese adoption and wrote this post while waiting to meet the Li’l Empress in a hotel room in Xi’an. You can read more about The Gang’s comings and goings over at The Gang’s All Here!
About a Father: Korean eyes on a Mexican head
When I look at Losiah, I see my son.
I don’t see an adopted son.
I see my son.
I see a kid who chooses to stick his bony butt in my ribs when he wants to snuggle.
I see a kid who chooses to laugh at all my really bad jokes exactly like Elmo laughs.
I see a kid who chooses to practice his Power Rangers moves on my head.
I see a kid who chooses me everyday to be his father in spite of my downfalls.
I see choice.
Sometimes I wonder if God made Him for me specifically.
I wonder what if his mom and dad would have kept him? Would he still long for me?
I wonder what if his mom and dad now regret their decision? Do they still long for him?
I wonder things that do not matter in the grand scheme of things.
This app kinda reminded me of that.
I took Seanna‘s eyes and put them on my face.
Crazy.
It’s me.
Her eyes fit my face with an ease that could only come from DNA. I helped create her.
Then…
I took Losiah‘s eyes and put them on my head.
I make one mean Korean.
Or he makes one mean Mexican.
They just don’t fit. Oh. That is his nose too.
Either way…
That image is not what God intended.
No matter how hard I try, he will always have to choose me to be his father as opposed to me being his father by blood. I know Seanna will too. But you get where I’m coming from. And that is a vulnerable place to be. But it is the same place that God sits in with us.
Waiting for us to choose Him to be our father.
And our daily actions answer Him.
Do we curl up with Him?
Do we laugh at the joy of Him?
Do we enjoy Him?
Are we satisfied in Him?
If only we would choose Him as intentionally as my adopted son chooses me.
It’s better that way…
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Carlos Whittaker
Carlos Whittaker is an artist, pastor, thinker, experience architect, and Web 2.0 junkie. He and his wife Hetaher have 3 children. In November 2006 they adopted their son Losiah from Seoul Korea. Carlos lives to ignite a movement of authenticity among all generations of Christians that morphs the face of the evangelical church into a place of being real with yourself, others, and God.
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