Special Needs
Healing Beneath the Surface
This morning, I raced to get the kids off to their schools and then get on over to CHOP’s cardiologist for Lydia’s appointment. I wasn’t worried about the appointment. A check up every 6 months. Just gotta do it.
A VSD put her in the special needs program. We were prepared for heart surgery. We were relieved to learn the week we got home that surgery would likely never be needed. Our cardiologist explained that it would only be necessary if the valve started to pull into the little hole between the walls of the bottom two chambers of her heart.
“Show him your heart, Lydia.” She pointed to her chest and said, all drawn out as she does, “Right here.” He listened. He listened some more. She got the EKG with stickers that tickled. Then, we went into the little room fitted with a big ole bed for her echo.
The tech pulled up her echo from 18 months ago. I could watch it on the computer screen and hear it–her heart sounded like a little bird to me, racing.
“Was she really upset when we did this before?” she asked.
“What do you mean?”
“It’s just that her heart was a bit crazy there. Looks like she was really worked up.”
She wasn’t.
18 months ago, we were in that same room with the same technician even. It was just me and Lydia, newly home, still getting to know each other. I sat there with her and rubbed her legs during that echo all while she lay perfectly still, just looking at me, not making a peep. I remember at one point, I even got her to fall asleep.
But, she wasn’t at peace. For a year, she never left one building. One day, one of the nannies there dressed her up nicely in new clothes, put her in a car for perhaps the 2nd time in her life, drove 2 1/2 hours, brought her into an office building and handed her to a white lady with a big nose who was crying and laughing at the same time who then passed her back and forth to a big white guy with red hair. We took her to our hotel room, then an airplane, then another hotel room, all while going to restaurants and walking around crowded streets. Then, after a very long plane ride, we arrived somewhere entirely new–new sounds, new smells, new people, new children wanting to touch her and hug her.
As calm as she seemed during that echo 18 months ago, the poor baby was upset. And, we’ve got a video record of her heart to prove it.
But, today, was different. She happily laid on the bed and talked to me about Dora who they had playing on a screen for her to pass the time. I watched the screen and the images of her heart, amazed at the clarity of the picture and how we were able to painlessly look right into our little one’s chest. Amazing.
And, then, she said it. The tech smiled at me and said it.
“Have you been praying?”
Her heart is healed. The hole is gone. Her heart is whole. Totally whole.
The cardiologist, an adoptive dad of two himself, smiled and told us he doesn’t want to see us ever again.
Amazing.
All 23 lbs of her.
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Kelly Raudenbush
Forever changed by our experience of being adopted and adopting, Kelly is a stay-at-home mom/manager to 4 children–the youngest of whom is from Baoji, Shaanxi, China–who is a professional juggler, juggling her calling as wife and mother with a small online store (Jiayin Designs), editing, administrating this site, and serving adoptive families through The Sparrow Fund. You can learn more about their adoption story, how they’ve been changed, and what life for them looks like on their personal blog where she’s currently featuring some great ways you can shop with purpose this season (which includes over 25 giveaways!).
{Advocating} Ready to Belong
In July, my husband and I traveled to China to serve with Bring Me Hope to provide a camp experience for orphans. As prepared as you think you are with packing lists and immunizations and reading all you can beforehand, I wasn’t at all prepared for what God had in store for me.
My heart was broken. My heart was broken over each one of those children He brought to that camp. Broken.
During my second week in Xi’an, I had the tremendous blessing of spending 5 days with a sweet little boy [David]. I’ll never forget seeing him for the first time. He immediately reached for my hand and held it with a tight grip. He didn’t want to let me go. I noticed right away that he had some difficulty walking. And, as we walked to the edge of the room together to play, I became more aware of the trouble he had walking. As I walked easily in stride, I could feel his body shift from left to right as we walked hand in hand. He has scoliosis. I imagine that the years of little to no treatment and no family to help him get what he needs has contributed to his rhythmic gait.
But, his spirit is so bright. He smiled up at me with an excited grin and told our translator he was excited to come to camp. Every few minutes, he would shift his entire body to turn and smile at my translator and me. I remember consciously noticing what a beautiful smile he had.
That first afternoon, we played badminton until we could play no more. And, he laughed and played with joy despite the differences in how God formed his shape.
When I think about [David], I think first of his sweet spirit–quick to listen, eager to try new things and soak every bit out of camp that he could. He had two close buddies at camp. They all lived in the orphanage together, and it was very easy to tell that they were best buds, three peas in a pod. It occurred to me that they were probably the closest thing he has to a family, the closest thing he has experienced of what it feels like to belong.
He was made paper ready, made available for international adoption when he was only 5 years old.
He just turned 8.
And, for nearly 3 years, he has waited, paper ready to be adopted.
[David] seemed most happy when he was beside his two best friends. I couldn’t help but picture him home with a family, HIS family, and how happy he would be, how much potential he has, how much he’d grow and thrive. And, how tightly he’d hold the hand of his mother and father.
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This little boy’s name has been changed for the purpose of advocating.
please email Kelly if you are interested in learning more about him. Additional pictures are readily available, and you will be put in touch with someone who can send you his full medical file.
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Micah Hodges
Micah Crowe is 22 and lives with her husband, Josh, in Vero Beach, Florida. They spent 3 weeks in China, serving with Bring Me Hope, an orphan ministry. She has also served in Russia and Taiwan working with youth and children. She enjoys traveling and playing guitar, but her real passion is for missions. Micah and Josh plan to move overseas to be full-time missionaries.
SPD Meltdown
She starts crying…lots of stiff, foot stomping crying…crying “mommy, mommy, hold me.” It’s the beginning of a meltdown. Of course, I immediately bend down and scoop up my precious crying babe. But, what’s different about this cry? The cause? It’s sensory processing disorder. It’s a cry and pain that cannot be comforted, a cry that can’t be stopped, a cry that the more you try to comfort and soothe, the more intense and raging it becomes, a cry that is actually more like a blood curdling scream, a continual scream that will only stop when her body has fully let it all out. SPD is holding her hostage in her own body.
I pick up my crying babe just for her to start screaming, “don’t touch me, put me down.” I put her down. She changes her screams of “put me down” to “I want to hold you…hold me, hold me” and this goes on for at least 40 minutes, sometimes much longer. We sit in a chair as she screams and kicks, fighting me, fighting herself the entire time, her body is extremely tight, rigid, stiff. She clings to me for dear life and pushes me away at the same time. We try walking around but it’s extremely difficult to carry her because of the intense kicking. The love that a mama normally pours out for her hurt child–the singing, the caressing, the holding, the kissing, the whispers, the beautiful loving–actually causes my girl to spiral even deeper.
She kicks violently, she slaps my legs until they are red, she frantically rubs her feet together until they are raw and almost bleeding. I try to protect her. I try to hold her feet, separate her feet, anything to keep her from rubbing them together. But, her adrenaline is raging. The child who has hypotonia is just about stronger than her mama. The more I try to stop her, the more persistent and focused she becomes in rubbing her feet. The more I ask her to stop kicking and flopping her legs all over, the more she flails, the more she screams “don’t touch me, hold me, put me down, I want you.”
This will only end when her body, her brain, and neurological system will let her rest, when her disorganized little body can calm long enough to get her grounded.The screaming, kicking, feet rubbing, stomping, pushing, slapping is starting to fade. Her body is exhausted and will finally let her rest. She collapses on my shoulder and her SPD cry turns into an exhausted weep.
It’s over; the meltdown is done. She will weep for a few moments, sit up, and carry on like nothing ever happened. I can still see the exhaustion in her eyes. But, for now, her body is at peace and communicating properly. She hums and skips around as if all is well.
But, this mama doesn’t forget. This mama grieves for the deep, internal wounds my baby girl carries, for her disorganized little insides. This mama grieves that no matter how much I try to comfort her during these times, the more pain it causes her.
Lord, continue to heal our miracle girl, the precious babe you fashioned and created to be our girl, the precious babe you had us fight for, the sweet girl that we are still fighting for. Equip us to help her heal. Show us everything she needs and how we can help her. Amen.
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Please visit Stacy’s blog to read 4 Years Living With Sensory Processing Disorder about how they discovered their daughter had SPD and how they have walked through it medically. It’s worth your time. Truly.
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Stacy Richards
Paul and Stacy have been married for 15 glorious years. They have been incredibly blessed with 7 miracle children (1 homegrown, 4 open domestic adoptions, 2 china special needs’ adoptions). Their greatest passions are serving the Lord, their children, homeschooling their miracles, and advocating for the orphan. They feel deeply called to raise awareness about the orphan crisis and advocating for orphan children across the world. Follow the journey the Lord has called them to here.
Gotcha Day
Ty’s one year Gotcha day.
It has been a year filled with witnessing miracles and one of the hardest years of my life all at the same time. For the girls, we always celebrated their gotcha day with a yummy dinner and a small gift that we bought for them in China. But, we are treading on different ground this time around. Last week, when we told Ty that his special day was coming up, he started to get sad and had a lot of questions. Not the kind you would expect. He does not ever want to talk about his time in China. We bring it up often or try to ask him questions which he NEVER answers. We all love China and talk about one day going back with the entire family. He will quickly pipe up and remind everyone that he does NOT want to go to China. When the conversation does turn to China he usually starts to question me: “Mommy, what took you so long to get me in China?” “Why did it not take a long time for you to get Mina and Finn in China?” “Mommy, you should have gotten me first!” “Mommy, I want to be a baby when you get me in China.” I think he blames me for the fact that he waited so long.
And then, sometimes he just tells us that he WAS a baby when we came to China. I think he would love to just gloss over and pretend that is how it all went down. Denial. I totally understand that. I don’t know if I will ever be able to tell him the truth that I had seen his sweet face waiting on waiting lists for over 2 years before I even thought about the possibility of adding another child to our crew. I do know for sure that for the past year, this boy has loved like I have never seen. He has the biggest heart I have ever known, and I am blessed to be his Mama.
Needless to say, we didn’t celebrate too much. I don’t think he would have appreciated it. He wants so badly to just forget, to be just like his big brother and not have this past. So, we just went on like any other day. But, I went back to look at some pictures of my boy one year ago, and I broke into tears.
In this picture I see a pale skinny little kid. I remember how weak he was. How ridiculously uncoordinated he was. How he hoarded food. How he flinched when you tried to give him a high five. How he tested his limits to see if we could protect him. How he would carry 17 toys at the same time for fear he would lose one. How he was too nervous to leave my side for a second. How he would try to win our love by sweeping and cleaning like mad. How happy he was during the day and then we would go in to find him quietly sobbing at night. How he would wet the bed every night for fear of getting out of bed.
Now, if you put these pictures side to side, I wouldn’t pick my boy out of a line up. He is a totally different child. He looks and acts like he has aged 4 years in the past 12 months.
Last year in China, I will admit that I was scared. He couldn’t even tell his colors to the guides, he couldn’t hold a pencil and trace a straight line. His Mandarin, the few times he tried, was barely understandable to anyone in China or here. I was worried that he was very delayed. Now that he is a few weeks into Kindergarten, I spoke with his seasoned teacher, and she said he was doing fabulous, better than a lot of the kids who have been here their whole life. She said she would have him reading by the end of the year. I cried huge tears of joy! I am crazy proud of how far he has come. He is so brave and so determined and so loving. And, I am blessed!
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Amy Crawford
Amy and her husband Marc live in North Carolina and are the parents of 6 children, 3 biological and 3 blessings from the China Special Needs program in the last 3 years. Never in their wildest dreams did they imagine that their family would be bursting at the seams, but they have been enormously blessed by opening their hearts to adoption. Their lives are simple, chaotic, overwhelming, and overflowing–and they wouldn’t have it any other way. Visit us in the midst of our happenings here.
What Every Child Should Know
Every child should know they are a miracle. It haunts and breaks me to think of kids right here in my town and across this globe that will never know love. It is a devastating reality. Sometimes it can be easy just not to think about ‘those’ kids. It can be easy not wrestle with things outside of our comfort and have to deal with what you feel as result. But the easy way in most life is usually the least rewarding….and least exciting for that matter.
Foster care…adoption…orphan trusts….child sponsorship…..respite care….supporting those that adopt…..
SO MANY WAYS TO MAKE SURE A CHILD KNOWS LOVE.
Last year I shared about my friend Angie who was selling gorgeous headbands and bags to raise money for her adoption. She just returned from China with her little girl! They have a beautiful story and my family will forever be changed because they were willing to share it.
Angie led me to Nicole & Katie. I was daily checking photographer Nicole Renee’s family blog while she was in China meeting her daughter and preparing to bring her home. Aren’t the best stories the real life ones? Can you believe how gorgeous Brooklyn is? What an incredible gift she must be to her parents!
And then there is Kate….Katie is in the starting stages of her adoption of a little girl in the Congo. You can read on her blog about their process and their fundraising.…and how cute is her family!
Earlier this year I shared about a new friend I met during the craft weekend at Meg’s. I remember sitting in the back of a van learning all about Amy and her family. She’s the NASA all-star that sent me the Astronaut Legos! She shared about her amazing son Ben. If you visit her blog you’ll see how Ben lights up the whole space. Ben is an incredible kid…and he has Down syndrome. Amy began looking around Reece’s Rainbow – part of Reece’s Rainbow’s mission is “to rescue orphans with Down syndrome through the gift of adoption.” It didn’t take long before Amy’s family began the process to welcome another son into their family. They are working hard at bringing little Davis home…. meet Davis:
A big brown eyed cutie, he lives in Ukraine right now. But he’s got a big brother in America who also has Down Syndrome….and those two boys need to be together. Their mommy needs Davis in her arms! Go here to learn about the Jupins, about Davis, and how you can help bring Davis home!
About 2 years ago, I shared a little session I did with my good friends Robert & Rachel. They were getting their family book together for a domestic adoption. Since that time they’ve added two handsome boys to their family. Not only have they gained two sons, through open adoptions they have been given an incredible gift to have healthy relationships with the strong women that gave life to their boys. This is Rachel and her youngest son (yeah, she’s gorgeous).
So, yeah, we can make a difference. Maybe it is opening your home to a child currently in the foster care system. Maybe it is looking beyond what a medical form says and finding your child waiting in another country. Maybe it is being the answer to the heart cry of a birth mom in your town. Maybe it is supporting someone else on an adoption journey. Maybe it is advocacy and raising awareness. Maybe it is babysitting for those foster care parents you met the other day or playing a game of basketball at a nearby DHS shelter. You can make a difference. I can make a difference. And really….why wouldn’t we?
Because every child deserves to know love & security.
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Ashley Campbell
Ashley’s days consist of a lots of Legos and lots of seemingly mundane moments. As mom to four kids (boys 3, 5, 7 and a 2 year old daughter) she finds the most beauty in those mundane moments and relishes the adventure of parenthood with her husband Chris. Aside from an addiction to painting everything that doesn’t move, she is passionate about all areas of orphan care and social justice issues especially as they relate to children. Ashley chronicles her adventures as a mom, crafter, photographer and advocate her her blog, Under the Sycamore.
Staking My Claim
I know I have been absent. I have thought of writing this post 100 times, and yet I haven’t. Until today. Today is the day that I am claiming it.
Over the past year and half, I have felt like a snowball rolling down hill. Picking up crud along the way. I’ve been rolling FAST, too fast. I haven’t been able to enjoy the ride very much for worrying about getting THERE.
You see, since we have adopted Lilly, I have been playing catch up. Catch up on attachment, catch up on socialization, catch up on education, catch up in language development, catch up on speech, catch up on cleft surgeries, catch up on immunizations, catch up on bonding. CATCH UP, quick, we have to CATCH UP. Are you overwhelmed yet? Because I am.
I haven’t posted much about Lilly’s last surgery. The bone graft. Third surgery in a year. Just about everything that could have went wrong did. Even requiring a second surgery (which is the 4th surgery) in a year to fix a freak occurrence from the 3rd surgery. It’s A LOT.
Then, there is school. She does okay, but we aren’t caught up. We are working on that. Attachment. Its always been difficult. Just when I think I have it all figured out, some new things come rearing their ugly heads. And speech. She has made so much progress but still lacks in areas.
On top of all the catch up I have been dealing with, the death of my precious grandmother (who died unexpectedly on the day Lilly had the 3rd surgery), my oldest going to college, my middle going to high school, another adoption, etc. I could go on but I think you get the point. Not fun stuff.
Through all this, it finally occurred to me. LET IT GO. I don’t HAVE to play catch up anymore. EVERYTHING is not important right now. Right now, I need to love this girl where she is and stop trying to change her to fit the mold that I think she should fit. There is no way that I can catch up for 5 years of lost time over night. Why did I not realize that before? I only have to do what I HAVE to do. The rest will come in time.
Time opens every door.
I’m staking my claim. I will not worry anymore about getting this child ahead. I will love her where she is planted, and watch her bloom. I will love her the same if she NEVER gets caught up. I want to enjoy more and worry less. It feels good actually, like I just shed a very heavy coat. I will prioritiz,e and we will have small nibbles at life, in manageable pieces, not trying to eat the whole pie at one time.
I just have to love her where she is. That’s all. Its that simple.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. . . And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13:4-13
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Leslee Dockery
Leslee lives in North Carolina with her husband and three children, 19, 15, and 7. Her youngest daughter was adopted from China 2 years ago. They are currently getting ready to travel to adopt their fourth child, a 5-year-old boy from China. You are welcome to follow along on their blog. Leslee is passionate about older child adoption and glad to help anyone who has questions. “Walking in faith through our adoptions has been the hardest and most rewarding thing we have ever done.”
Sometimes You Have to be That Mom
It’s really my goal in life to never be that person. Since having kids, I strive to not be that mom, you know the one who thinks her little angel can do no wrong, or the one who packs a lunch for her kids wherever they go because they only eat organic/local, or the one who is always asking you to watch her kids but never has the time for yours, or the one who has snotty, whiny, misbehaving rugrats having a major case of the “gimmes” at the grocery store. Sorry if I stepped on any one’s toes there.
I admit, the motivation to never be that mom is really pretty selfish, but it is what it is.
Enter Ty.
He spent his first 6 months walking around on a leash. Yup, I was that mom. I couldn’t even trust him to walk from our van to our front door. He spent many a visits to the library running to the end and throwing a tantrum because he couldn’t explore freely like the older two. I was that mom with a screaming, misbehaving toddler. I hated it. I could imagine people thinking, “Can’t that woman get her child under control?” because that’s what I would have thought. Before Ty. I felt like I wanted to wear a sandwich board that read, “This child has recently been uprooted from the only family he can remember–a family he loved. He has switched languages and cultures and was born 15 weeks early. Cut him (and me) some slack. Just look at my other children and please don’t categorize me as that mom.”
At a recent training for our current adoption, we got an excellent article from Empowerd to Connect entitled, “Ten Questions for Parent Preparing to Adopt or Foster.” After our experience with Ty, the questions hit me square in the gut.
5. Are you willing to be misunderstood, criticized and even judged by others who do not understand your child’s history, the impacts of that history and how you have called to love and connect with your child in order to help him/her heal and become all that God intends?
6. Are you prepared to advocate for you child’s needs, including at school, church, in extracurricular settings and otherwise, in order to create predictablility and promote environments that enable your child to feel safe and allow him/her to succeed?
7. Are you willing to sacrifice you own convenience, expectations and desires in order to connect with your child and help him/her heal, even if that process is measured in years, not months?
I wish someone had asked me these questions before we adopted the last time. Or, maybe it’s better they hadn’t. I might have run screaming in the other direction like Jonah and missed out on all this growing and stretching God had planned for me.
Today was another perfect example.
Ty is not allowed to have chocolate because of the way it affects his behavior. For the past couple weeks, we’ve restricted gluten as well to see if it’s a factor. Because they’re not allergies, I forgot to list them on his VBS form. As much as it pained me, I was totally that mom on Monday when I dropped of his special gluten-free, chocolate-free snack with him and politely asked the VBS group leader to make sure he only ate what I had provided. It was even more painful when I explained it wasn’t an actual allergy but was behavior related. I could feel the guy rolling his eyes on the inside.
Day 4 of VBS, I dropped off his snack as usual except today, they didn’t use it for some reason. Ty was super excited when I picked him up to announce that he had OREOS for snack. Seriously!?!!? We were doing so well. And OREOS!?!? Couldn’t they have slipped up on Goldfish day?
So, I sit him down at our volunteer lunch (like I have done every other day this week) with a bowl of raspberries for him to eat while I get our main course. I had my back turned for less than 2 minutes, and he had put a handful of mulch into the berry container and then proceeded to wash the berries off in his siblings’ lemonade cups. The rest of the afternoon was downhill from there. The human part of me wanted to make him “pay” for his bad decisions. How dare he do that? I wanted justice for the older kids who had done nothing wrong to deserve to miss out on lemonade at lunch. Because of his background, he does not respond to high-level, cause-and-effect discipline. Even though I wanted to push him away because I was so angry at him, he really needed me to spend extra time with him so he didn’t have any other opportunities to misbehave while the chocolate wore off and so my connecting to him would help him reregulate and process why eating an oreo had been a “thumbs-down” decision. It meant I wouldn’t get to decompress after VBS while the kids played quietly together. It meant he had to be glued to my side while I gave him my almost-undivided attention because he has even more trouble self-directing when he’s on chocolate.
When I drop Ty off tomorrow, I haven’t decided whether or not I’ll reiterate Ty’s snack policy. It’s the battle of pride versus setting my child up to have a “thumbs-up” kinda day.
Lesson learned? Sometimes you just have to be that mom.
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Melissa Corkum
Patrick and Melissa, who was adopted from Korea as an infant, have two biological children and a son adopted at age 2 1/2 from Korea. In May they, started a paper chase for a sibling group from Ethiopia. They reside in Maryland where they started a ministry called Grafted Families. Its goal is to serve Gospel-centered churches as they care for orphans and vulnerable children. Melissa also has a photography business that specializes in adoption homecoming and foster family photography. You can get to know Melissa better on her personal blog and Patrick on his personal blog.
Part 3 of 3: I Refuse
Through this season of prayer and seeking God through His Word, Scott and I had become convinced that indeed God was leading us to begin the process to adopt a little girl from China with “special needs.” It was all so different than the process we went through to adopt Beniam from Ethiopia. This time, we were looking at photos of waiting children and asking God to show us which one we should adopt. It felt so strange to make this choice and often we felt paralyzed and unsure of where to go from here.
We spent hours looking and reading and praying. Sometimes I wondered if we were taking too long. But now, I can look back and see what God was doing in that time. Every child we looked at I wondered, “Could this be our child?” So with every child, my heart was opened to see them as a son or daughter, not just a picture or a statistic of yet another orphan who I could not help. With each passing week, I became more willing to say “Whatever, Lord. Whatever you want. I just want to love one of these precious children.” And following this season of searching, my heart has broken more and more for children waiting for a family. Their faces are etched in my mind, and I am totally confident that God will use these things that have happened in my heart for further use down the road.
Then one day, I think we were just ready. And, we saw this picture of Mei and Scott said, “That’s her.” We did not know much about her at all, and her special need was one we had not considered before. That night we put her file on hold in order to have it reviewed by an international pediatrician who could tell us more. When I was getting ready to go to sleep that night, I began to think more about little Mei’s “special need,” and I thought maybe this wasn’t something I was comfortable with after all. I just let my mind focus on her medical records and lost sight of some other things. My heart was heavy, and I was worn out. I sighed and rolled over to turn on the alarm for tomorrow. As I did this, I whispered out loud a quick prayer, “What do you think, Lord? Please speak to me.” (Thinking that I was checking out for the night, and the prayer could maybe be answered tomorrow) I pushed the button to check the volume on the radio, and these were the exact words I heard:
He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He’s the kid with the story no one would believe
He prays every night, “Dear God won’t you please
Could you send someone here who will love me?”Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means
I had heard the song before but could not help but believe that God had answered my prayer directly right after I prayed it. So, I prayed once more before I slept; “Okay, Lord, I will love her. Just for who she is. I will not focus on her medical needs. Send me, Lord. I will go to her, and I will love her, and I am sorry that I ever looked at her as anything other than a child who needs a mommy.”
After this, I thought we were good to go, but there was still the need to speak with the doctor and try to understand more clearly all of the things that were revealed in her medical file before we could formally move forward. Our conversation with the doctor was difficult. We were already so attached to this little girl, and I went to bed that night in a heap of tears wondering again if we could really do this.
Sunday, we went to church with heavy hearts. What were we doing? Was this all crazy after all? “Lord, we are here. And we so long for you. We so want to hear from you. You have been so faithful to us. In your mercy and grace, we are asking that you would speak to us clearly one more time.”
Can I just tell you that we began to worship and every. single. song we sang spoke right to our hearts and right to this situation. And all of a sudden in both of our hearts at the same time, we knew God was answering our prayer. Then after a few songs, we sang a song that was new to us and took us completely off guard. After a few verses, we both realized that we could not sing the words to this song (and actually mean them) and not move forward with this adoption.
Sometimes I
I just want to close my eyes
And act like everyone’s alright
When I know they’re notThis world needs God
But it’s easier to stand and watch
I could say a prayer and just move on
Like nothing’s wrongBut I refuse
‘Cause I don’t want to live like I don’t care
I don’t want to say another empty prayer
Oh, I refuseTo sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
Oh, I could choose
Not to move but I refuseI can hear the least of these
Crying out so desperately
And I know we are the hands and feet
Of You, oh GodSo, if You say move
It’s time for me to follow through
And do what I was made to do
Show them who You are‘Cause I don’t want to live like I don’t care
I don’t want to say another empty prayer
Oh, I refuseTo sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
Oh, I could choose
Not to move but I refuseTo stand and watch the weary and lost
Cry out for help
I refuse to turn my back
And try and act like all is wellI refuse to stay unchanged
To wait another day, to die to myself
I refuse to make one more excuse‘Cause I don’t want to live like I don’t care
I don’t want to say another empty prayer
Oh, I refuseTo sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
Oh, I could choose
Not to move but I refuseI refuse
I refuse
As we sang this song, we both started to cry a little . . . then a lot . . . then it was all too much and we had to sit down and do this funny holding each other and crying thing . . . and then we were seriously laughing at each other and at the situation. It was like God was right there with us saying, “You asked me to show up. Can I make it any clearer?” I think we were crying because we were so overwhelmed by His presence with us. He felt so near and because we were joyful. HE IS NEAR. That’s why we can do this. He is always near.
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Haley Long
I am a recipient of amazing grace. I’ve been married 11 years to my husband, Scott. We had 2 children, Isaac and Zoe. Then one day God met us both in the same moment and broke our hearts and filled them with love for orphan children. In 2008, we brought our son Beniam, now 3, home from Ethiopia. We are currently in the process to adopt a little girl named Mei from China. I am a Florida girl who loves sunshine, water, and sand. I enjoy almost anything you can do outdoors, especially in the mountains. When forced to stay inside, I love to read and write.
Part 2 of 3: Everything in Here is Crazy
Scott did not freak out. I decided to tell him on our car ride to see family over the weekend since the kids would be engrossed in their books or DVDs. And, he didn’t freak out. His attitude was that if God is calling us to this, then He would make that clear and take care of everything. I was so sure he would freak out that it freaked me out that he didn’t freak out. I handled it all very maturely by telling him he was crazy and climbing into the back seat to hang out with slightly more sane people. At which point, I kid you not, Scott calls out, “Hey kids, you wanna adopt a sister into our family?” This was met with a rousing cheer from the back.
Now, I was really mad! This is not how we normally handle family decisions!
But, I was beginning to get excited too.
After talking about it some more, I agreed to find out more about “Mandy” acknowledging that God was probably calling us to be an advocate for her and help her find a family. When I inquired, we found that Mandy had found her family.
But, we both knew that God was doing something in our family, so we began to pray and read scripture, seeking His will. My heart began to be softened and eager to follow wherever God was leading us. But, I was still scared. At first, all I could see was my own weaknesses, limitations, and inabilities. But, day after day of drawing near to God, I found that I was seeing things more from his perspective. And, everything changed.
And I do mean everything. Not just my desire to follow his will no matter what. But the way I looked at my day and my kids and my house and my husband. The further we went on this journey, the more I was throwing off all these things that had hindered me from stepping out in the first place. Worry. Fear. Selfishness. Doubt. Discontentment with what I’ve been given or how my day goes. All of a sudden things that used to seem such a big deal- a missed nap, a temper tantrum, the flu, potty training, a migraine… they were all things that I could laugh in the midst of. Because, slowly, I was seeing it all through a different lens.
And that lens was Truth. It was the Word that I said I believed and loved but now I would have to live. It was the God I said I trusted but never had I been asked to trust so much. And, He was so very patient with me in my doubt. So very gracious to continue to meet me when I asked for Him to show me the way.
I remember specifically one night when I was focusing my thoughts on what others would think of our decision to adopt a child with “special needs.” I was holding my Bible open again.
“God, this is crazy. Seriously. This is crazy.”
And just as clear as day, this is what came to my mind . . . a patient, gentle voice, but firm . . .
“Haley, everything in here is crazy.”
And, I looked back down at the Bible and thought, “Did I hear that right?” So I began to think through all the stories of the Bible I could think of. And it is true. From a human perspective, everything in there is crazy. Everything.
It was a significant moment for me. Because I knew that I believed it all and God had confirmed it over and over again in my life. So if what was Good and True and Love and the Way of Jesus were crazy in the eyes of man, well then, call me crazy.
Part 3 to follow…
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Haley Long
I am a recipient of amazing grace. I’ve been married 11 years to my husband, Scott. We had 2 children, Isaac and Zoe. Then one day God met us both in the same moment and broke our hearts and filled them with love for orphan children. In 2008, we brought our son Beniam, now 3, home from Ethiopia. We are currently in the process to adopt a little girl named Mei from China. I am a Florida girl who loves sunshine, water, and sand. I enjoy almost anything you can do outdoors, especially in the mountains. When forced to stay inside, I love to read and write.
Part 1 of 3: Not On Our Radar
Adopting Mei was not our idea. We both knew that we wanted to adopt again and had our ideas of what that would look like. We would adopt a girl, maybe about 4 years old from Ethiopia or domestically, and we would wait until Beniam was in kindergarten. Because God knows we have our hands full right now. I mean, if everyone who sees me in the grocery store with all three kids remarks that I have my hands full, surely God knows, too. That is what I thought. Because that is how I looked at it then.
But, then one night, I was looking at this girl staring back at me on a computer screen. She was a “waiting child” from China. I had not intended to see her. (It is easier if you do not see.) I was innocently checking a blog to see an update on a friend’s new daughter from China. I did not know that she primarily uses her blog to advocate for waiting children in China.
So there I sat, looking at “Mandy.” And, I knew why she was there. Only “special people with a unique calling” adopt children like her. She had special needs. It should have been really easy for me to pass her by. And, believe me, I tried. I simply closed the computer and went on my way. But, I could not stop thinking about her. Days went by and I convinced myself to not think of her. I was 100% sure that we could not adopt her and that God would never call us to something like that. He knows me. He knows I am too weak. So I forgot about it.
One week later. I sat on my porch, Bible opened, praying. Asking God how I had gone from feeling so very close to Him in previous months to all of a sudden feeling distant, disconnected somehow. I wondered if I had done something to distract myself from seeing God. Lord, I really want to know. What is it that has come between you and me? And only one word came to my mind. Mandy. For real?!? What am I supposed to do about her? I am certain you would not have us adopt a little girl that is going to need heart surgery. We have three young children, one income, a small house, and you know I am too weak. That is just simply not possible! But, there were no more answers. Just Mandy.
That night, I looked at her picture again. This time with my Bible open in my lap. I would look and then in my heart say “This is just my silly emotions. I am just being a ‘bleeding heart.’” I listed off one by one all of the reasons why even considering the adoption of a child with special needs like Mandy was ridiculous. After each one, I opened my Bible to whatever page it opened to, and I read. And, each verse was a direct answer to the doubts I had just expressed.
Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished.
Luke 1:45
But how, Lord?
The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. . . . For nothing is impossible with God.
Luke 1:35, 37
By now, I was a little angry, to be honest. This was someplace I did not want to go with God. Yes, I wanted to adopt again, but this was too much, and I am not enough, and I did not want to get in over my head and drown.
I slammed my Bible shut and closed the computer. But, I was forming a plan that would get this taken care of really quick. I would simply tell Scott. He would be totally blindsided, agree that I was just being idealistic or emotional to even entertain the thought, and basically just freak out. That would be the end of that!
Part 2 to follow…
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Haley Long
I am a recipient of amazing grace. I’ve been married 11 years to my husband, Scott. We had 2 children, Isaac and Zoe. Then one day God met us both in the same moment and broke our hearts and filled them with love for orphan children. In 2008, we brought our son Beniam, now 3, home from Ethiopia. We are currently in the process to adopt a little girl named Mei from China. I am a Florida girl who loves sunshine, water, and sand. I enjoy almost anything you can do outdoors, especially in the mountains. When forced to stay inside, I love to read and write.
