Adoption and Faith
We Need Prayer
Three blog drafts later, I am giving an update. But it might be shorter than those three and perhaps a bit sweeter too.
We need prayer.
I got a phone call today from their preschool. I was asked to come get one of the twins.
The same twin who missed preschool yesterday, and all last week, and once or twice a week since their first week.
They are defiant, rebellious, deceitful and disruptive….Over the last 22 months, I’ve watched some people favor this struggling twin, and I know that that is not helpful. Our children – both of them – should never feel like they are or aren’t on the end of favor from someone – against their own twin or a peer. They need to understand that winning people’s attention is not a result of sympathy, but an outcome of their right spirit. Yes – I want people to love my children, and to understand them. But not pity. I definitely don’t want them seeking out that same pity when they are older, because the world has little time for adults on the victim train. And it certainly is not biblical to go about life believing the world owes us something grand.
This child has struggled a lot these last 3 weeks, and it has gotten much worse this week. We have been careful to exercise grace to them, since God is quick to give it to us. Yet, today, we saw how perhaps we were possibly enabling them to continue even further down their path to wrong choices. Perhaps, sometimes the grace was being given out of pity. If you’re a parent, you know! Seeing your child saddened to be held accountable is awful. I hate it! We are learning. But apparently even we – their own parents – tip the scale and pity them too much to their detriment. Their flippancy about their own bad behavior is almost scary. Yesterday, they were asked if they obeyed their preschool teachers on Tuesday, to which they replied, “NOPE!” very casually. Almost giggling. Argh. I thought my schpeel about respect and rebellion towards authority was being listened to.
Apparently it took 3 adults 5 minutes of struggle to calm them down for a little time out. And one of the teacher’s got hives because it upset her so much.
They have been confronted a LOT of late with Biblical truths about rebellion. Andrew and I are striving to communicate Truth to them. They have been clearly given an explanation of authority. The whole reason we want them to do preschool is because they do not respect other adults. If they don’t learn this, we are in for serious issues in kindergarten.
Anyway, I’m not here to defend our decision to do preschool. We absolutely believe it will be extremely helpful for them to learn to respect other adults. Apparently we were RIGHT ON with that being an area they had to grow in because now we can see how far they still have to go.
We have spent a lot of time in prayer over that child (to make me concerned we aren’t praying for the other one as much as we should!), and we have been quoting several scripture verses to them. And talking about how pleased S*tan is when they rebel, or lose their temper or whatever. How much he hates them. How happy he is that they are in trouble.
Then we have explained how Jesus loved THEM SO MUCH that HE DIED on a cross for their sins. How He is grieved when they do wrong. And despite it all, He loves them very much.
This decision to start bringing it home in this way could very well be the reason they are under so much attack. NOT PRESCHOOL. NOT BEING AWAY FROM ME FOR 2 1/2 HOURS. NOT NEW FAMILY MEMBERS. NOT THEIR BACKGROUND. NOT THE TIME OF YEAR. NOT SOME PSYCHOLOGICAL JUNK GOING ON IN THEIR HEAD. Though those things have weight in describing who they are, IT REALLY SEEMS TO BE A SPIRITUAL STRUGGLE. WE ARE IN A WAR ZONE.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PRAY for US AND FOR THEM. We will NOT hold back from sharing the GOSPEL OF CHRIST to our children. We will NOT hold back from quoting THE BIBLE to them. JESUS CHRIST CAN CHANGE THEM! And, He can change all of us–and all the children–adopted or otherwise–who are struggling as they are.
Please pray for strength and encouragement for us. We are especially weary and often confused as to what is going on in their head. Please pray that CHRIST changes them. He is our only hope.
I don’t like sharing as much as I did. But if I’m not honest, people won’t know how to pray. And as you can tell, we need prayer.
I know I put a lot in caps. I know I was snarky at times. But I am quite rattled as to why they rose the stakes. Why on earth they acted out in such a violent way that was totally reminiscent of Spring, Summer and some Autumn of 2010. The teachers are tired. And as of this afternoon, scared. We are bewildered and frustrated.
Thankfully the preschool hasn’t given up and kicked them out yet. We are so grateful to have their support. It’s been priceless. To have yours too would be amazing.
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Esther Brunk
Esther and her husband Andrew became first time parents to twin toddlers with 24 hours notice, and a year before planned. Though they still have far to go in the healing process, Isaac & Mikayle have come leaps and bounds from their arrival date almost 2 years ago. Andrew and Esther accepted Christ as their Savior when they were much younger, but only recently have begun to scratch the surface in understanding the miracle of their own spiritual adoption. Currently Andrew and Esther are also host parents to two sweet Korean sisters here for a school exchange program. They hope to adopt more children in the future. Esther is the caretaker of their children (who as of last week are no longer in preschool and are home with her full-time [insert sigh]), the cook, the baker, inventory control manager and home manager. Andrew works with Bethany Christian Services in Church and Community Relations assisting South Eastern Pennsylvania, New Jersey and Delaware area churches in fulfilling the command to care for the orphans around the globe and close to home.
I Don’t Want My Children To Be Happy
Dear children,
Recently we were told by people whom we love and respect why they oppose our plans to adopt. One of the reasons given was that we would not be able to pay for your college education.
It’s true.
You all have college funds – college funds which recently took a terrible hit – but “they” say that by the time you’re 18, college will cost anywhere between $200,000 to half a million dollars each. You might as well know now, we won’t be covering that. I’m telling you now, babies.
The people said that the day would come when you would look at us with resentment because you had to apply for school loans while many of your friends got a free ride from their parents.
Maybe you will. Maybe you’ll resent us. I really hope not. But maybe I should tell y’all now why your dad and I have decided to do what we are doing.
I know you’re going to think I am going off topic (I do that a lot) but several years ago I saw a story on a TV show about how the latest trend was for parents to give their daughters boob jobs for high school graduation (I don’t know what they gave their sons.) When interviewing one of the moms, she said, “I just want my daughter to be happy.” And as I tossed a throw pillow at the television, this really huge thought occurred to me: I don’t want my children to be happy.
My goal as your mom is not your happiness, sugars. In fact, I spend at least half my day making you unhappy. If I had a nickle for every tear that falls in this home on a daily basis, we wouldn’t need to worry about college tuition at all.
Happiness is fleeting, sweet babies. That means it doesn’t last. It’s a quick feeling that comes from a funny movie or a heart shaped lollipop or a really good birthday present. It’s great. I love to be happy. But happiness is a reaction that is based on our surroundings. And our surroundings are so very rarely under our control. Even when – especially when – we think they are.
So no, I absolutely don’t want you to spend your life chasing something that has so little to do with your own abilities. You’ll just be constantly frustrated.
There are two things I desire for you, precious loves. There are two things that I spend most of my time as a mother trying cultivate in you. Happiness ain’t one of them. (This means, sorry, no boob jobs for you.)
The first is, I want you to be content.
Being content is so much different from being happy. Being content is not based on your surroundings. Being content comes from within. Contentment is a spirit of gratitude. It’s the choice you make to either be thankful for the things you do have, or to whine about the things you don’t have.
Being content and grateful leads to consistent joy.
As you know, because I’ve told you lots of times, Paul talked about being content. Paul said that he had “learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” And Paul was in some rotten situations, kiddos, really rotten.
How could Paul be content whether he was in prison or if his life was literally a shipwreck? Because Paul was constantly seeking to be in the will of God instead of his own, was constantly sacrificing his own comfort for the sake of the gospel, and was constantly being confirmed, strengthened, and blessed by God because of his obedience. He was given a supernatural power – that means something kind of like magic, God magic – to do things that most other humans could not do. And guess what? The bible tells us (in Ephesians 1) that God will give you the exact same power! If you want it!
Which leads me to my second desire for y’all.
I don’t want you to be happy. I want you to be holy. That means, I want you to seek that God-power to make you content. I want you to want the Kingdom of God more than your own kingdom. And that’s hard, babies, that is so hard. And that usually means passing up a lot of what the world considers happiness. But it means that you will achieve blessings directly from God that most of the world never dreams of because they are too occupied with the achieving the perfect birthday present!
This means you may be poor, ‘in want’ as Paul said, and that’s okay. It will never, ever be okay with the world for you to be poor. So you’ll be up against the world. But not your dad and me, loves, because it was never our goal for you to be wealthy – at least not in the way that the world considers wealthy.
Darlings, we love you so much. You will never even grasp how much we love you until you have children of your own, and then you’ll get it, and then you’ll apologize for the ways you treated us 
But our goal is not to please you. Our goal is to please our Heavenly Father. And nowhere in the bible does the Lord command that we save our money to send our kids to college.
But the Lord does command us to care for the orphan around fifty times. He does tell us to care for the poor around 300 times. He does tell us that when we care for the neediest, we are caring for Jesus Himself. And in chapter six of the book of Matthew, He tells us to seek His kingdom first, and let Him worry about the rest, like college tuition. Because it’s all His anyway.
They said that one day y’all would resent us for using ‘your’ college money to go and get your sister out of an orphanage in Ethiopia and bring her home to you.
But I know my babies. Even at your tender ages, I know your hearts, and I have already seen you weep for the least of these. I know the prayers I offer up to God that He and not the world would shape the desires of your hearts. I am trusting Him to answer those prayers.
So, sugarbears – I just don’t believe those people.
Love,
Mommy
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Missy
Not your typical “mommy blog,” Missy’s beautifully-written musings run the gamut from witty and light to deep, thought-provoking and prayer-invoking…often simultaneously. Her blog touches on anything and everything: the nitty-gritty of daily life with four small children, social/political commentary, the calling and pursuit of adoption, and the ups and downs of walking faithfully through life with her husband and for the glory of God.
When Love Looks Different
What if love looked different than we expect or imagine?
What if love is hard?
What if many don’t understand when love looks different?
When we plan to become parents, we have a flood of emotions, including excitement. Particularly as adoptive parents, because let’s face it, no one accidentally becomes an adoptive parent.
As parents, we have great expectations, hopes, dreams, and love for our children.
But what if:
the best way to love them isn’t the easiest way?
the scars of their past have left an impenetrable barrier to the heart?
our love isn’t enough to heal them?
we know there is One who can, but they can’t fathom it?
our tangible kindness causes a response of fear because it is foreign to them?
they don’t know how to give love back?
What if we love them so much we will do things radical, sacrificial, and misunderstood to help them heal?
What does a different kind of love look like?
Jesus answered, “It is the one to whom I will give this piece of bread when I have dipped it in the dish.” Then, dipping the piece of bread, he gave it to Judas Iscariot, son of Simon. John 13:26
Jesus knew that Judas would betray him, but it didn’t change His love for him.
At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said: “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” Job 1:20-21
Job had lost everything, and he still acknowledged God’s sovereignty and loved Him.
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16
God’s love for us is so great that He came down from glory in the form of a man (yet, completely God) and died for the sin of all mankind.
But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Matthew 5:39-41
Jesus commands us to do the unthinkable ~ love those who wrong us.
Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!” And immediately the leprosy left him. Luke 5:13
Lepers were untouchable, yet Jesus touched the man because He loved him!
He fell to the ground and heard a voice say to him, “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?” “Who are you, Lord?” Saul asked. “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting,” he replied. “Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do.” Acts 9:4-6
This man who persecuted Christians was loved by God, chosen by God, and ultimately devoted his life to sharing that love!
Just a few examples of when love looks different.
I’m a long way from loving like Jesus does, but I am “being renewed day by day” (2 Cor 4:16).
We are relying on the strength of the Holy Spirit as we love all our children, but especially one, in a way that looks different. Truth is, it’s hard. It’s lonely. It’s radical. I would say it’s a sacrifice, but can I really use that term after all that Christ has done for me?
Despite all of that, it is good! We have hope! Not because we always make the right decisions, but because God never makes mistakes. We are standing firm on His promises and watching expectantly as He brings healing and victory to our child!
God alone brings beauty from ashes – from the ashes of our mistakes, our sin, our pain, and our sorrow.
And that is a very different kind of love.
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Connie Johnson
Connie and Clayton Johnson and their family live in Oklahoma. Coming to faith later in life (Clayton at age 40 and Connie at age 36), they surrendered to missions soon after accepting Christ but had no idea that would mean seven trips to China…and back. They have ten children, and are open to whatever the Lord has in store for them next. Connie hopes to encourage families who feel less than qualified to adopt and families who are burdened for older children and children with medical special needs outside their comfort zone. God does not expect us to come to Him perfectly equipped for His purposes, only perfectly willing. Visit their blog One More Ladybug.
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No Fear
When you decide to love and care for children who you know will never belong to you, you assume it will come with a significant amount of pain. During the months leading up to Eli & Ellie’s adoption, Rachel and I spent a lot of time discussing and anticipating the pain it would bring us. There were many times when I did something simple for them – gave Eli his meds or tucked Ellie’s blankie under her arm just the way she likes it – and I would just cry knowing that my chances to do those things for them were limited. I expected the pain. What I didn’t really expect was the indescribable joy and deeper understanding of my Jesus that would come out of the whole process.
Every few days, I get a picture or email or text from one of Lily, Eli, Ellie, or Ali Rose’s mamas. Sometimes it’s just a small detail. Sometimes it’s an insight into that child’s day that gives me something to pray. Sometimes it’s a photo like this:
photo by Mandy Gallagher
She’s wearing a dress that I set aside for her when she was just a few months old. Back then, I had no idea what her future held. I wondered if one day I would get on an airplane, leaving her behind in Uganda. I wondered if I would live in Uganda forever just so that I could take care of her. I wondered if God had a family for her. I wondered if she would survive.
This picture speaks volumes to me of God’s faithfulness to me and to Ellie.
Those are her daddy’s strong arms waiting to catch her and she shows no sign of fear.
When I look at Ellie and think about the details of her miracle-story, I feel like a little girl being thrown up in the air by my heavenly Daddy. I know his strong arms are there to catch me, but not only me. He’s there to catch the things I drop. He’s there to catch my details, my children, my husband, my family, my friends…and yours.
Resting in that knowledge, may our faces show no sign of fear.
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Mandie Joy Turner
Mandie Joy just returned from life as a foster mom in Africa, where she was able to care for five precious children while they waited for their forever families. The story that God wrote there is nothing short of a miracle. Now she joins the team of Chosen and Dearly Loved to further advocate for orphans with special needs all over the world.
I’m Not Enough
It turns out I am not enough to fix my kids. I don’t have enough love or enough tools to heal their inside hurts. I can only sit humbly and thankfully at the feet of Jesus knowing His grace is sufficient for me, for His power is made perfect in my brokenness.
Titus has started sleeping poorly. I had a melt down, verge of crazy-town, ugly cry during the night. (That’s normal, right?) I CANNOT do this again. I can’t have a poor sleeper again. My body CANNOT take it. I tried to tell God. I tried to bargain and plead and literally cry out. I’m at the end of my no-sleep rope. I do not know where to go from here. He has been with us for 5 weeks. Often after adopted kids are home and settled then the grief begins to show. I think he is showing his grief and I JUST CAN’T TAKE IT. I don’t know how to help my poor teary kids who don’t sleep. We have routines. We don’t watch TV or play rowdy games before bed. We do bath and books and bed like clockwork. We don’t have lights on. We have sound blockers. We have tried OTC drugs, herbal supplements, and even surgery (tonsillectomy for Sunita). Still my babies cry out in the night for comfort and sometimes more than once an hour. I don’t know how I’m going to do this nightly routine again with another child unless through the grace of God. I honestly can’t see a path before me, but I trust in the One who can heal my kids, even while I fall shockingly short.
Also, lately, Sunita has been asking to go live with her Indian mom, or at least her Indian caretaker. I’m ashamed to say, I’ve been irritated and annoyed by this (and even, although it horrifies me to admit it, thinking how she should count herself lucky to have a family). It bothers me in a way I never expected it would. That is, it did bother me, until I remembered that in a perfect world she would be with her biological family. And although I believe God blessed us by choosing us to be her family, it isn’t part of a perfect world, but a fallen one. Sunita’s heart doesn’t love me less because she thinks about and hopes for what God’s original plan would have given her. And I know she wouldn’t trade me for anyone else, only that she is curious and wants to know the person who gave her life. I am thankful God is big enough to handle this too, because Heaven knows I’ve fallen short (again! sheesh! get it together girl!). I am so sure of His great love to my children that I know He will give me all I need to be a broken, yet beautiful mother to them.
It is amazing to be so broken, so fallen, so “not enough” and to know the Lord of the Earth is enough, and for all of us.
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Amy Ocker
Amy is a married mother of two (and hoping for more). Her 4 year old daughter is from India, and her 2 year old son recently joined their family from China. Life@home is filled with many mistakes and loads of God’s grace.
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Confessions From An Overpacking Adoptee
Take nothing for the journey, neither staffs nor bags nor bread nor money; and do not have two tunics a piece.
Luke 9:3
I confess, I admit it. I am guilty of overpacking for family vacations. This baby boomer nervously scans her closet and shoe racks multiple times and fills every nook and cranny of her suitcase to over flowing. When I’ve emptied half my closet, and I find myself sitting on my baggage forcing to close it, the relentless question still persists, “Have I forgotten something?” New luggage guidelines for weight limitations have not helped me cut back one bit. Do I really need to take 15 blouses for 7 days of travel? Makes not a bit of logical sense to me, but I am still compelled to repeat this ritual every time I pull my weathered suitcase out of storage for the next trip.
I seem to find solace in my over stuffed suitcase.
I spoke with another adoptee recently who was packing for a summer trip. She confessed to the same annoying habit I have of overpacking. Didn’t Jesus command in Luke 9 to travel lightly? He tells his disciples to not be concerned with procuring extra provisions for their journeys as they traveled to preach the gospel. Nagging guilt over my obssessive actions sends thoughts of condemnation coming my way.
I ponder the possible underlying motives of my mad packing. On the day of my humble birth as an adoptee, I was left all alone on the hospital delivery table without a family. Could it be that I felt the separation from everything familiar to me in the security of the womb–my birth mother, my birth family, my genetic connection, my cultural heritage? Ouch! Is it any wonder that I have a tendency to cling so tightly to things and find separation from my stuff so very painful? Taking my extra belongings with me seems to offer me a temporary sense of security and safety.
As God impresses these thoughts on my mind, the condemning voices begin to fade away. In their place, I hear the tender voice of Jesus, my Savior whispering to me,”I understand, I care, I don’t judge you.” And then he gently bids me to rest secure in His everlasting arms and to trust in His grace as my daily Provider, my trustworthy Father. He promises to never leave me nor forsake me. He offers to carry my every burden and encourages me to leave my extra baggage at home and travel light with Him.
Quite an irresistable invitation.
What an awesome traveling companion, what an faithful friend!
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Jody Moreen has been involved in adoption ministry facilitating a Chicagoland surburban support group for 14 years with adult adoptees, birth parents, and adoptive parents. As an adopted person, God has given her a passion to encourage others touched by adoption. She provides adoptee peer-support phone mentoring. She also hosts a private Facebook group Adoptee’s Anchor/Kindred Spirits for female adoptees 18 and up, providing a safe place to share and receive encouragement, fellowship with other adoptees, devotions, and prayer. You can contact her here.
Copyright 2011 by Jody Moreen. This devotion may not be copied or reprinted in part or in full in any media form without permission from the author.
Revelation
Originally posted December 2010…
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Guys, it is 6:00 in the morning here, and I am wide awake.
If you know me, you know this is quite unusual for me.
It’s not because of nerves. It is because I woke up from a dream with some fresh revelation, and I had to write it down lest I forget.
I was dreaming about a dear lady we know who is single. In my dream, she was telling me that she had decided to start the process to adopt. I immediately hugged her and started to cry and jump up and down with her. Then, in my dream, I froze because I realized that my adoption of Lily was complete in the dream, and I felt something inside me that completely surprised me.
I felt jealous.
Jealous that it was happening to someone else and not me again.
Sad because in my heart I wanted to do it all over again.
This emotion was so shocking that it actually woke me up from a deep sleep.
WHAT??? Then, at that very moment it dawned on me…
Why can’t I be good at this??
I was good at birthing babies. (Miss Scarlett) Really. Not bragging on anything but the grace of God, but I was good at it. I enjoyed the entire experience. I had two of the three naturally with no pain other than the kind that comes from REALLY had work. It was a great experience, and I have said many times…
If it wasn’t for the raising the kids part, I would have 100 babies!
Well, why can’t I be good at this adoption thing?
And why be afraid of the raising the kids part?
Why can’t this be exactly what God has created me for?
Most of the reasons that I haven’t wanted alot of children is because of fear. Fear that exists because of selfishness. (I am being honest about ME here. This doesn’t necessarily apply to everyone.) I am selfish. I enjoy my sleep. I enjoy a good book in a quiet room. I enjoy a massage. I really miss the theatre and have wished for some time that I could get back up there and show the world what I was GOOD at. Kids mess all that up. They would steal that from me. (Again, honesty.)
But maybe, just maybe, I have been missing it. Maybe all the gifts and abilities He gave me are for this right here. Maybe my whole life has been leading up to this VERY MOMENT!
These are the reasons why I have always shied away from the thought of having more children. These are the reasons why I didn’t want to adopt in the first place. I didn’t want to be good at this because of my own selfishness and fear. Yet, if I believe what the Word of God says, “Give. And it shall be given unto you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over.” (Anna’s translation) Then, why should I be afraid to give myself away. Will God not return it to me with more blessing than I can keep up with?
Here I am, at this moment, a completely changed woman. I am going to be good at this!! I fully believe that every gift and ability He has given me has created me for this moment. Not that I am some great, talented person, but what God has called us to do “He is able also to perform it.”
I am going down to the civil affairs office to meet my new daughter today, and I am going to be good at it because God has called me, and HE is able. This is NO DOUBT what I have been created for!
I have always held my family MOST dear. I fight every year to get together with ALL our brothers and sisters. Our nieces and nephews. Our parents. Maybe family is what I was meant for, what I am GOOD at. Even though I would have NEVER believed that.
And truly, as many times as God would ask me to do this, I will. Maybe I was meant to be the old woman who lived in the shoe. Except, I will be the one who does know what to do. Lean on my Savior, who has equipped me to be a mother.
To sing and dance for them.
To teach them.
To love and cherish them.
No matter where they are from.
I am signing off. I hope this all makes sense. I am feeling refreshed and revived. I have already cried much and I haven’t even met her yet. 
Also, you can bet my posts won’t be this long again for awhile so go ahead and read it all- just this once.
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- Anna Lokey
Anna Lokey and her husband Shaun have been married 11 years. They have the joyful privilege of parenting four little girls. Three biological (Zoe-8, Hazel-5, Sophie-3) and the fourth, Lily (age 2), recently adopted from China. Anna is a homeschool mom trying everyday to bring up their girls in a loving, Jesus-centered home! She and her husband help lead worship at their church and serve in the children’s ministries. Anna enjoys reading, working out, and playing pretend with her girls. You can read more about them and their Anything but LoKEY life on her blog–as well as read the rest of their story as they embark on the adoption adventure again!
The Joys of Boys
I come across this video on one of my favorite blogs at an hour far too early to be out of my bed. Taking a sip of coffee and pouring puffs across Gabriel’s high chair tray, I drowsily push the play button…
Way too soon for the caffeine to have reached my veins, I am jolted awake.
There is one special need, ironically, that often is the barrier to a child ever finding a permanent home. Being and orphan and being born a BOY…
Can that really be true?
As the mother of two little guys whose boy-filled ways melt my heart daily, it is hard to fathom.
By the time that first sweet little face fills my screen, a lump begins rising in my throat and my eyes threaten to brim over.
And then…some of the reasons to consider adopting a boy:{deep breath}
Because a boy’s laugh is contagious…Because it’s never too soon to buy that first truck…Boys have dreams, too…Boys are soft and sweet…Because playing sports is fun…Because we need more cowboys…Because who else can make a suit look so good…Because we all need a superhero…Because boys love a good adventure…Because boys are gorgeous, too…Because brothers are a wonderful thing…Because boys love playing outside…Because every little boy deserves a family…
The tears are now flowing freely because these truly are the joys my boys bring to my life and, oh, how I know the list can go on!
I adore my little men and find myself smitten with all the things that delight their wild hearts. For someone who has always been a bit of a girly girl (my interests growing up being dancing, singing, acting, art, and anything beautiful), there has been a shift of focus for sure, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s amazing how my love for them has transformed the world around me too. Creepy crawlies have gone from being, well, creepy to really fascinating and what is a day without a good sword fight, cool cars, and at least one game that involves throwing, catching, kicking or hitting some kind of a ball. Life with them in it is good for me…very, very good.
This gratitude for the gift of their little lives in mine is quickly adding gravity to the harsh reality playing across my computer screen. My heart is being torn right in two as I contemplate others just like Jack and Gabriel who are hurting and lonely waiting for a mommy and daddy to come and make them family.
I find myself already responding to questions implied but as yet unasked and I wonder…
Do I DARE?!
Is it wise to let myself go where this train of thought is going to take me? Because once it leaves the station, there is going to be no turning that puppy around. We’re not talking so much along the lines of, “What’s one more?” but more to the effect of, “Why not pack this house with little boys”? A glimpse of my future is coming into focus that resembles a football team, and I can smell the stinky feet already.
Lord, give me strength.
I try to shake it from my mind and tell myself that what I really need is more sleep. Gabriel’s late night feedings and early morning wake-up calls are getting to me more than I realized, and I have to regain my grip on reality…
Or do I?
For I know it to be true that God’s thoughts are not our thoughts nor are His ways our ways. And the wisdom of the Lord is foolishness in the eyes of the world. This craziness does seem to have His fingerprints all over it. This is the way He consistently speaks to my soul and asks me to follow Him along paths as yet unknown. Will I cast out into the deep and lower my nets for a catch? Will I step out of the boat into the raging waters and keep my eyes fixed on Him?
And then, there they are in plain view, written on my screen, the questions my heart had already been asking and I know their answers have already been given.
Can you open your heart to a little boy?…And open your life to adventure?…Every baby boy needs a momma…There are thousands of little boys right now who are dreaming of just one person to believe in them…
Oh, my heart…I can’t take it! Seriously, it really is too much, as if the voice of God Himself is asking me to love his little ones, to be a mother to his sons.
Could that person be YOU?
Game over. Every fiber of my being is shouting, “YES”!
Now I am praying, pleading…Oh God, please let this be done in me, in my family. Allow us this gift, the tremendous blessing of raising your sons. May they grow to be men after your own heart. God let them know the unfathomable love of the Father to the fatherless. Let us show them One who has heard their cries, who has not allowed one tear to fall unnoticed and who will not leave them abandoned as orphans forever.
I can barely wait for Johnny to wake up so that he can see what I am seeing and know what I am knowing….
The poor guy isn’t even greeted with a good morning much less given the chance to make his way to the coffee pot before I pull him over to my laptop. Sure enough, I’m crying again before it has even begun, and he wraps his arms around me as he watches the screen. I can feel his embrace tighten as this truth, one we hadn’t known before this morning sinks in.
I’m not one to cry very easily or often but when I do…well, let’s just say that it’s not pretty. I somehow manage to sob, “Did that have the same effect on you that it had on me”? He jokes that he doesn’t think it could affect anyone as much as it had me. But through the smile on his face, there is an intensity in his eyes and I know.
He sees what I am seeing and knows what I am knowing…
Our sons are out there somewhere, waiting for us bring them home.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:9
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Alison Oertle
Alison Oertle is a wife and mother who works in full time ministry at her Church and serves women and families as a FertilityCare Practitioner. Just when she thought life was settling into a comfortable and somewhat predictable routine, God laughed. As it turns out, a new vision for her future is being revealed that promises to shake things up a bit and involves sharing Christ’s heart for the orphan. Her family is hopeful and excited to see where the glorious unknown will lead as they strive to be faithful to the call. Read more of Alison’s story, a lot of the ordinary day-to-day alongside her deep thoughts about the things that matter most, as the Oertle’s adoption journey unfolds at Let Us Begin.
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Wanna see a very special 17-month old boy who is waiting for his family to say yes to him?
Come swoon over this beautiful child.
More information available if you are interested in learning more about him.
In Action
It was after a Focus on the Family broadcast during Adoption Awareness Month four or five years ago about Antioch Adoptions that God first started tugging us toward orphan ministry. We had decided we couldn’t afford to adopt but perhaps God was calling us to help others instead. Antioch Adoptions provides fee-free services in Washington state in an effort to get kids into homes. We figured that if they could do it so could we. That was just the tip of the iceberg. Years later, God has opened our eyes and hearts to a much bigger picture than adoption.
Over the past couple years, we’ve taken in hundreds of hours of conference audio, webinars, and books that basically led us to this conclusion–Everyone is called to orphan care (not adoption, orphan care). Orphan care comes in all shapes and sizes.
As you read the story, see if you can pick out all the different people and ways they helped orphans.
About 3 years ago, Patrick and I had a vision to see an Ethiopian orphan hosting program come to our church–these programs bring eligible orphans (usually ages 8 to 15) to the U. S. to spend 4 to 8 weeks for a “cultural experience.” Many of these children are able to find forever families. The problem was no programs to that country existed, and we were not equipped to start one.
We had all but forgotten about it when an old friend called and said, “I’ve just been hired by AWAA to start an Ethiopian hosting program in Maryland, do you want to help?” Um-mm…yeah!
Ten months later, 5 families (coincidentally all acquaintances of ours) welcomed Ethiopian children into their homes for a month. Throughout that month, the community came together to provide lots of American experiences to the kids from a trip to the zoo to an old-fashioned, American birthday party. Generous donations from the community allowed us to send an extra suitcase back with each child packed chock full of stuff for their orphanage.
By God’s grace, each of the 5 children have families (either their host family, a family they met while here, or a family who was able to connect to their host family some other way).
Recently, one of the families traveled for their court date in Ethiopia. They needed someone to watch their kids while they traveled. We volunteered but needed someone to watch our dog since the kids were allergic. Another host family volunteered.
It may seem trivial as you read it, but from where we watch, the beauty of the community working together to bring these 5 children home is astounding…
it’s the Gospel in action.
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Melissa Corkum
Patrick and Melissa, who was adopted from Korea as an infant, have two biological children and a son adopted at age 2 1/2 from Korea. In May they, started a paper chase for a sibling group from Ethiopia. They reside in Maryland where they started a ministry called Grafted Families. Its goal is to serve Gospel-centered churches as they care for orphans and vulnerable children. Melissa also has a photography business that specializes in adoption homecoming and foster family photography. You can get to know Melissa better on her personal blog and Patrick on his personal blog.
Hope
On Thursday night, December 15th, a spectacular thing happened.
Hope came home.
As a mama of a Ugandan babe, this is of course exciting. Our entire Florida-Ugandan Family congregate at the airport every time. A new family steps off the tram in our international airport with a Ugandan child - formerly an orphan, now a closely-held, wide-eyed and overwhelmed, dearly-beloved son or daughter.
There were 13 Ugandan children who have stepped off this tram and into our community of love.
On Thursday, that number became 14.
Our Hope came home on Thursday.
Back on August 11, my friend Janna and I were having a normal playdate at her house. We’d been separated much of the summer with one family travelling (them) and one family cocooning (us). Our kids play well together and love doing so. We talked for about 4 hours while LEGOs and cars and babydolls were thrown about. We ate salads. The kids had sandwiches and snacks. It was all very normal. It was nice. Familiar. And then something sincerely supernatural happened.
God spoke up.
Janna mentioned that she and her husband were ready to begin the adoption process again but wanted the Lord to be clear. Wanted to adopt from somewhere they felt a signifigant connection to. They didn’t want to just choose out of the blue. And they wanted to adopt a sister for their youngest, a girl among 2 older brothers.
I was all: “Oh! Cool!” And that. was. all. (God must have been shaking His head at me.)
20 minutes later…
I “randomly” mentioned I was praying these last 2 weeks for a little girl. ”Do people ever tell you about orphans and ask you to pray for them?” I asked Janna. ”What are you talking about?” she asked. ”No. No one’s ever done that to me.”, she added. I told Janna that this little girl lived in an orphanage and was recovering from malaria. I told her we were unsure of her age but thought her to be about age 1-1/2 years old. And I told her we were unsure about anything else about her including: her status,
her limitations, her health, her background, her adoptability, and her availability.
Then, I told Janna her name….Hope.
And, with that one word, I watched Hope be born in her mother’s eyes. I watched Janna’s face lift and lightbulbs click on. I watched confusion cloud her eyes and then clarity settle.
And I heard her say to me: ”So. That’s our name. For our daughter I have started praying for. Hope.”
She said it like a question almost, like she was asking permission to tell me Something Big. I was floored. It was my turn to be confused.
Slowly, the wheels in my head started turning, and I knew I needed to head out, wrangle my kids home, and make some phone calls.
When I got home, 10 minutes later, there was a message on my voicemail. Janna had called her husband Scott. She told him the precious little she had heard about Hope. He said: “Well. Let’s go get her.”
The voicemail I arrived home to that day, only 10 minutes after leaving her house, spoke these words to my stunned ears:
“Esty, I have talked to Scott. And we want to do everything possible we can do to Lord-willing bring Hope home to be part of our family forever.”
That was all they needed.
An invitation from the Lord.
And they raced to their daughter and never looked back.
Now, it was not all over after that. After that came the most mountainous trek of faith I have ever witnessed. After August 11th came a race against the clock and a challenge of hope such as I have only been a part of 1 other time. And that was with my Rissa. But this? This was different. Because I was the witness, not the parent. But I was allowed to be party to miracle after miracle.
For Hope.
For Janna and Scott.
For me.
This little life has seen something extraordinary.
Hope came home.
And here’s what it’s done to me: Hope coming home makes me unafraid. I can’t explain it. But after watching it all
up close, every step, one miracle at a time, I can testify this truly:
…and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
~Romans 5:5
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Esty Downes
We are a Floridian family of 6, bio boys aged 8, 5, and 4 blessed with a 9 month-old Ugandan-born beauty named Rissa (Amaris, Hebrew for “Promised by God”) who came home in May 2011. Andrew is an ER physician, and Esty is a SAHM and former pediatric nurse in a previous life, it seems. We spend our time homeschooling, playing soccer, swimming, and hanging on for dear life. And we are all Ugandan now.
