Carlos Whittaker
For his Birthfather: I’m doing the best I can, sir.
When I was messing with your hair that day, right after this picture was taken, my heart took a left when I figured it would have taken a right.
To the right would have been throwing you on the sofa and tickling you until you fart.
To the left was that place I accidentally stumble into every few months.
That place that looks, tastes, smells, and feels funny.
The last few strokes of your hair I imagined your father’s hair.
It must feel similar to this.
It must be light and wispy.
I wonder, right now, if his fingers are running through his hair.
But he’s probably wearing a hat.
I wonder if his hands smell like the fish that he has been catching all day.
I hope they do, or his day would have sucked.
I wonder if they are more calloused than they were a year ago.
I’m sure those nets are a pain.
I wonder if when he looks at them…he wonders about yours.
And so I walked outside, looked up to the sky, and screamed…”He’s OK!!!!”
When I walked back into the house I had this romantic thought that maybe…
Right before I looked up…
You got off your fishing boat…
Looked up…
And screamed
?????????!!!!!!!
(Is my son OK?!)
Then I looked at the clock and realized it was 2 am in Seoul.
I got sad for a second…that my dream was a joke…
Until I realized…
He was probably dreaming of you.
Laying on his wispy hair.
I’m doing the best I can sir…
I promise…
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Carlos Whittaker is an artist, pastor, thinker, experience architect, and Web 2.0 junkie. He and his wife Hetaher have 3 children. In November 2006 they adopted their son Losiah from Seoul Korea. Carlos lives to ignite a movement of authenticity among all generations of Christians that morphs the face of the evangelical church into a place of being real with yourself, others, and God.
About a Father: Korean eyes on a Mexican head
When I look at Losiah, I see my son.
I don’t see an adopted son.
I see my son.
I see a kid who chooses to stick his bony butt in my ribs when he wants to snuggle.
I see a kid who chooses to laugh at all my really bad jokes exactly like Elmo laughs.
I see a kid who chooses to practice his Power Rangers moves on my head.
I see a kid who chooses me everyday to be his father in spite of my downfalls.
I see choice.
Sometimes I wonder if God made Him for me specifically.
I wonder what if his mom and dad would have kept him? Would he still long for me?
I wonder what if his mom and dad now regret their decision? Do they still long for him?
I wonder things that do not matter in the grand scheme of things.
This app kinda reminded me of that.
I took Seanna‘s eyes and put them on my face.
Crazy.
It’s me.
Her eyes fit my face with an ease that could only come from DNA. I helped create her.
Then…
I took Losiah‘s eyes and put them on my head.
I make one mean Korean.
Or he makes one mean Mexican.
They just don’t fit. Oh. That is his nose too.
Either way…
That image is not what God intended.
No matter how hard I try, he will always have to choose me to be his father as opposed to me being his father by blood. I know Seanna will too. But you get where I’m coming from. And that is a vulnerable place to be. But it is the same place that God sits in with us.
Waiting for us to choose Him to be our father.
And our daily actions answer Him.
Do we curl up with Him?
Do we laugh at the joy of Him?
Do we enjoy Him?
Are we satisfied in Him?
If only we would choose Him as intentionally as my adopted son chooses me.
It’s better that way…
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Carlos Whittaker
Carlos Whittaker is an artist, pastor, thinker, experience architect, and Web 2.0 junkie. He and his wife Hetaher have 3 children. In November 2006 they adopted their son Losiah from Seoul Korea. Carlos lives to ignite a movement of authenticity among all generations of Christians that morphs the face of the evangelical church into a place of being real with yourself, others, and God.
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