Ashley Milford
The Daily Choice
Some days, I stumble upon a scene like this one and it makes my heart overflow.
I realize it looks like nothing special, but I assure you it is.
June has decided that it is her job to help Kate learn/review/know her letters before she starts preschool this fall. And Kate is actually not only okay with this set up, but tries harder and does better for June than for either of her parents.
So when I came downstairs today and found June and Kate having school in the living room I stopped to soak it all in.
You see, 2 years ago these two barely liked being in the same room together. Forced to share attention, clothes, toys, and space, neither of them liked it all that much.
Then, a year ago something changed, and they decided that maybe just maybe the other wasn’t so bad, and a friendship was born.
This year, we have witnessed this relationship blossom into sisterhood, and it’s a sweet sweet thing. Spontaneous hugs and kisses, laughter, and joy. Their relationship is a beautiful picture of what adoption means.
The feelings that come with adoption are not instant. It’s a daily decision to love. A daily decision to grant grace. A daily decision to forgive. A daily decision to teach. A daily decision to have patience. Each day, every day, you make the choice to accept, love, and cherish. And you have to decide. It is an actual choice. And while in the adoption community, we like to believe that this choice is the parents’ choice, it’s not just about the parents. It’s the choice of the sister who was already here. The one who has to share her toys, her room, her clothes, her parents. It’s a choice for her to love daily, forgive daily, and accept a new person for who they are daily. It’s a process and I am humbled that the Lord has so blessed me with not only the opportunity to be in the process, but to witness it between my girls.
It is said that adoption is a beautiful thing. I agree, but I would like to add that adoption creates beautiful things. In witnessing this with my Littles I have a greater understanding of what my adoption into the Lord’s family means for me. When looking at the fruits of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, kindness, self control) I can see that they are a result of my adoption by Christ. These are not natural tendencies, but ones created within me daily as I walk, talk, and live with my new family, my adoptive family.
And it is in this realization that my heart fills to capacity as I watch June hold up flash cards for Kate, and hear Kate say “J like June!” with the enthusiasm of child who is no longer a stranger sharing toys, but a sister who is loved and cherished.
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Ashley Milford
Ashley is the Outreach Coordinator for Voice of the Orphan adoption agency. She also serves adoptive families through The Sparrow Fund. She has been married for 13 years to her husband Mike, who has the power to make her laugh until her sides hurt no matter what is happening. They have three miracle girls, the youngest (by only six months) joined their family from China the summer of 2010. You can check out their adoption journey and musings on life as they know it on her blog.
Make a Difference: Blair’s Dream
Blair Milford
A few weeks ago, during MLK week, Blair’s class assignment was to write her dream. They completed this assignment at school, and she made no mention of “her dream” until last week when she brought home her school work. I was going through her papers and when I came to this page, I asked her to come in and tell me about it.
You see, my Blair is my thinker. My ponderer (is that really a word?). My save-the-world child.
So when my sweet, tender-hearted child read her dream to me, tears in her eyes, explaining how badly she wants all kids in China to have a home, I lost it right along with her.
She went on to tell me she wanted them to have a mama and daddy. To have sisters that love them and play with them. To have homes with families that love God so that they can know about Him and his love for them.
I’m not surprised at all that this is Blair’s dream. Since we got home with Kate, Blair has asked a lot of questions. Big questions. Really hard to answer questions. And she thinks about the answers, what they mean to her and for the orphans.
She also asked if we could pick kids out to pray for. So we have. Each month, or until the child finds a family, we go through “the list” and pick 3 kids. We print their pictures with their names and ages, and we pray for them each night. And not one night goes by that we don’t pray for them. Just the other night, I was out running an errand, and Mike put the girls to bed. When I came through the door he said, “Blair said to wake her when you got home because y’all have to pray for the girls.” So I did.
I believe that Blair’s tender, soft heart is spot on. I think that we should ache for these kids to have homes. We should be helping them any way we can. I am not saying we should all adopt, but I am saying we should care. We should find a way to help, and we can help in so many other ways than adoption.
This is where my conversation with Blair went after we both stopped crying. She started talking about ways to help. Of course her first question was, “Can we adopt them all?” Love that girl! After I explained that that is just not possible, she came up with other ways. Here is her list:
- We can pray for the kids each day/night. Pray that they are healthy, loved, cared for, and that their families find them soon. If you want to do this and need a few kids let me know. We have a list going.
- We can give to organizations that are helping the orphans. We can give money, supplies, or time. Some great organizations that help in China are Love Without Boundaries, An Orphan’s Wish, New Day Foster Home, and Half the Sky.
- We can collect things an orphanage needs and then mail the care package, or we can order things in China to have them delivered to the orphanage. If you want more info on this please let me know.
And this is how our talk finished:
“Mom, will you and Dad help me with my dream?”
“Of course, babe.”
“But, it’s a big dream, Mom.”
“Yes, Love, it is.”
“But, we can do it?”
“Yes, baby, we can.”
And off she skipped spouting off what she was going to do next to make her dream come true.
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Ashley Milford
Ashley is a social worker turned stay-at-home mom who rarely stays at home. She has been married for 11 years to the man who makes her laugh until her side hurts and can fix anything with a hug. They have have 3 miracles girls, the youngest (by only 6 months) joined their family from China this past summer. You can check out their adoption journey and musings on life as they know it on her blog.
This Christmas: Rest
I don’t know about you, but Christmas is not a time when I usually think about rest. In fact, rest is usually very far from my mind as I plan for travel, visiting family and friends, gifts, church celebrations, and parties. Rest usually doesn’t register on my radar until after the first of the year, after the busyness and celebrating has ended.
This Christmas is different though. This Christmas, I am longing for rest.
This is the first Christmas with our daughter Kate. Kate is the newest apple of my eye. I adore and love this little girl in a way that words fail. Kate has only been home a few months, and our family is still adjusting, still learning her, still figuring out the new dynamic. Kate is still feeling us out too. She is still grieving and still processing everything. All this adjusting, learning, grieving, and processing has me saying “no” a lot and fighting a lot to find our new normal.
And, I’m tired of saying no. I’m tired of always feeling like the bad guy. I’m tired of fighting. I fight to keep the house clean. I fight to find time to work, time for family, time with God. I fight to keep everyone happy and well. I fight to have a routine and a schedule.
But, mostly, I fight with Kate…and for Kate…but mostly with Kate. I know that fighting is normal with a 2 year old. That doesn’t make it easier. I know that Kate is pushing harder than most, testing boundaries, seeing just how far she can go and doing it all to see if I will still be here, still love her, still want her. I know this. But, that doesn’t make it easier. It makes my reactions different but not easier.
And, right now, this very night, I long for easy. I long for a night where there are no tears, no screams, no trips back and forth from her room. I long for a morning where there are no screams or tears, no acting out, no aggression.
Tonight, I long for normal. I long for her to feel safe with the lights off. I long for her to feel included, loved, one of us. I long for her to love me back. I long for a conversation where both sides understand.
I long for a version of easy that is not necessarily easy, just familiar.
And all this longing has me praying and searching and thinking.
And, it has me thinking about how Kate, this very night, also longs for easy, how she longs for a night that is tearless, fearless, and peaceful, how she longs to understand the words I say, longs to understand this love.
Tonight, I think she longs for her normal, her easy that wasn’t so easy, her familiar.
And so, I go back to praying. I step away from the laundry, the tv, the computer; and I pray. Then, I am still. I am still in my house that is finally quiet, finally still itself, and listen, hoping that the Lord will have a word of encouragement for me. Something. Anything. A whisper that he hears me. That he understands me. That he understands Kate. That he is here too.
Some nights, all I hear is silence.
Some nights, like tonight, his loving, gentle, affirming voice speaks clearly to my soul telling me that he is here, he does understand and that he longs for it to be easy too. Then, he reminds me, in a way only a loving father can, what his word says about burdens, about discouragement, about worry, about the rest I seek.
Then, Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” (Matthew 11: 28-30)
So, I come to him.
I come to him with my burdens as a mom. I come to him with my burdens as a wife. I come to him with all of my burdens as his child.
I come and sit and let him take care of me. Let him teach me. Let him love on me. Let him bring the rest that he promised.
And you know what? He does exactly as he promises.
This Christmas, he gives me rest. Rest for my heart. Rest for my soul. Rest for my mind.
As someone who needs rest and prays for it often, I wonder if there is anyone out there who is also searching for rest, anyone whose Christmas wish is rest. If so, I want to encourage you to pray for the rest that the Lord has promised. Tell him all about your burden. Swap yokes with him.
This Christmas, he longs to give you rest.
And, remember, he always keeps his promises.
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Ashley Milford
Ashley is a social worker turned stay-at-home mom who rarely stays at home. She has been married for 11 years to the man who makes her laugh until her side hurts and can fix anything with a hug. They have have 3 miracles girls, the youngest (by only 6 months) joined their family from China this summer. You can check out their adoption journey and musings on life as they know it on her blog.
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