“How’s Ty doing?” Such a complicated question.
Mostly, people mean, “How is Ty adjusting?”
Adjustment, attachment, bonding. Such complicated subjects.
After a couple days home, we were super excited that we had left the constant, incosolable crying in Korea. After a couple months home, he was sleeping through the night, calling me “mom,” loving the older kids, and seemingly attached all around. On all accounts, he seemed to be adjusted, bonded, and attached. And, we had all emerged relatively unscathed.
Or so we thought.
After about 6 months home, we realized that Ty had been functioning in some kind of shock-induced fog as his true personality replaced the kid we thought we knew.
Every time we though we had “arrived,” something else would happen. One day, he started spontaneous affection which I didn’t realize was missing until he started doing it. Previously, he would offer endless hugs and kisses but only if I was asking.
Lately, Ty’s senses of humor and drama seems to be the next invisible milestones up which we are encroaching. All of a sudden, he is quite the jokester and gives us pieces of his mind complete with dramatic sighs and hands on hips.
The coolest milestone? Realizing that I actually liked Ty. I’ve spent so much time disciplining, dragging him to doctors and evaluations, trying to understand him, disciplining, catching him up cognitively, doing damage control around the house, and finding precious moments of quiet time that it’s only just recently that I’ve really come to appreciate his personality and sense of humor. I’m finally starting to enjoy him more than I resent him.
Here’s to the next invisible milestone that is hiding around the corner!
Patrick and Melissa, who was adopted from Korea as an infant, have two biological children and a son adopted at age 2 1/2 from Korea. They reside in Maryland where they started a ministry called Grafted Families. Its goal is to mobilize churches to start local adoption and/or foster ministries as well as support adoptive and foster families and families interested in adoption and foster care. You can get to know Melissa better on her personal blog and Patrick on his personal blog.
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