That Was Before

Hyatt and Holden (both 4 yrs old) were in the hallway cleaning fingerprints off the walls with anti-bacterial wipes (this is a chore that I have the littles do often, mainly because they are the fingerprint culprits). As they cleaned, they were talking about the pictures that hung above their heads. Their conversation caught my attention, so I quietly listened where they couldn’t see me…

December 2009 - the picture that was the topic of discussion.

Hyatt: No that’s not you

Holden: Yes it is, mommy is holding me

Hyatt: That is Hucky, you were still in mommy’s heart

Holden: oh that’s right, when I was a baby I was still in mommy’s heart

Hyatt:  This picture was taken before we were the Real Lang Family.

December 2011 – lizziebeephotography.com

 

Hyatt:  See this one Holden?  (as he points to the photo above) This one was after we became the Real Lang Family.  This is the one that has all of us together.

And it hit me.  I thought we were the Real Lang Family the day we got married. Then I thought we might be complete after two children. Then again after four.

What I didn’t expect was to still feel the ‘lonely.’

Psalm 68:6 God sets the lonely in families…

We were a family when we were much smaller in number, but we were not the complete family that God had in mind for us.  Until we surrendered our idea of what our family was supposed to look like, we were unknowingly missing the blessings God had yet to come.  We had assumed the role of  making all of the decisions, rather than allowing God to masterfully design the family he had perfectly planned for us to have.  I still remember the day that all of this came to light and I called my husband at work to tearfully tell him that we needed to repent from our arrogance, and give our family back to God.

I know from experience that God often uses my children’s ordinary behavior to reveal hidden treasures in my own spiritual journey.  I can so easily get taken up with the busyness and the ‘need to do’ while my kids are much better at seeing life simpler.  I pass by those photos in the hallway everyday, and admittedly, there are times when I see the photo with the four children and think how easy life was back then.  Our family tree was easy to explain, we didn’t need an oversized vehicle to transport us all and our vocabulary didn’t include words like birth parents, social workers, attachment issues, and court dates.

A life fully surrendered to God cannot be taken back, and I wouldn’t want to.   Doing so would completely derail any spiritual progress I have made and would leave me feeling empty and guilty.  So even though looking back at family pictures when life was ‘easier’ can sometimes make me feel a yearning for a simpler time, I know that God has me on the path that He has chosen for me.  Choosing the narrow road has brought about positive life changes both in this temporary world and in the eternal. Why would I yearn for anything else?But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.  Matthew 7:14

Comparison is a contentment killer.  I used to only think that meant comparing myself to other people, but it can also be personal.  I have grown so much since the younger version of me walked that forest path.  I wouldn’t give back these hard earned years of maturity for anything.  I may not be living a life that I thought I would be (which can often feel like a reality television show without the famous paycheck) but I can honestly say that in the midst of the chaos, I have an inner peace that only the Holy Spirit can bring when in direct obedience to Christ.And I got all of this from overhearing a conversation between my two 4 year olds.  I am still in awe of the belief and the understanding of the eternal in my son’s heart.

Yes Hyatt and Holden, we are now the Real Lang Family, and we are so very proud that we are.

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Christina Lang

Christina is a proud wife to an amazing man named Brandon and mama to six beautiful children ages 9, 7, 4, 3, 2, & 1. After getting her degree and teaching junior high for a couple of years, she had four sons. When her youngest boy was 13 months old, they completed their family by adopting a brother and sister from foster care. She blogs as a way to document her family’s growth, as well as an outlet which she hopes will encourage others. She feels truly called to her lifestyle and knows that she is incredibly blessed to fulfill that calling. Their family life is entwined by selfless faith and together learning daily how to live missionally. They recently moved from California to their new forever home in Arizona. She absolutely loves her life as a stay-at-home/frequently found warehouse shopping/carpooling/football mom.