I Don’t Love You Today, Maybe Tomorrow…

Adrian and Ping

Me: What did Daddy say?
Ping: Ping no throw books.
Me: Right, and what did Ping do?
Ping: Yes throw book.
Me: Did Ping listen to Daddy?
Ping: No.
Me: Is Daddy happy or sad that you did not listen.
Ping: Daddy no happy.
Me: So will Ping listen to Daddy?
Ping: Yes.
Me: Thank you. Daddy loves you, Ping.
Ping: I no love Daddy.
Me: That is okay. But, I still love you.
Ping: I no love Daddy.
Me: That is okay. But, Daddy still loves Ping.
Ping: I no say I love Daddy today.
Me: Maybe tomorrow?
Ping: Yes. Ping love Daddy tomorrow.
Me: That’s great. I still love you today though and tomorrow.
Ping: No today. Tomorrow, I love Daddy.
Me: Okay, good night, baby. I love you.

I would have to say that once the initial punched-in-the-gut feeling wore off, this made me so very happy! I was thrilled that my daughter said she “no love” me (more on that at the end of the post).

Ah, the joys of parenthood! It is not for the faint or the weak or those who get queasy at the sight of blood. That’s for sure. Having your child tell you they don’t love you is one thing, thinking they believe it is something else. If Ping were angry or yelling or if we just had a big fight, I would have been much more fine with her saying she “no love” me, because I would understand that it was an emotional response, and she was angry. However, this was not that case. Yes, I told her not to throw books, but it was actually kind of funny, not a “scolding,” and she never got into any “trouble.” So, when she said she didn’t love me, it was much more “matter of fact.” You know, like a “Hey, just in case you were wondering, no, I don’t love you.” To which I would say, “Any particular reason?” And, she would answer, “Nope, no reason. I just don’t love you.” Ah, well, I see then . . . carry on then.

But, this was the “1 step back” for the week, and the flip side has been the “2 steps forward.”

Just this morning, Ping chased me down as I was getting breakfast ready and asked to be picked up. Once she was safely in my arms, she snuggled her head into my neck and said she wanted a hug, then she held on so tight, and I’m pretty sure she was just about crying.

There are definite moments of vulnerability now which were never there before, and we are so proud of how well she is doing. Ping is truly amazing.

But my final thought on this whole “I no love you Daddy” is this:
She gets it.
She finally gets it
or, at least, is getting it.
It being love.
If she did not get love, she would not think to deny me love.
Right?
She must be understanding that love is this wonderful thing and that it is very important and that it feels great to be loved, safe, and accepted.
She would not try to deny me something bad.
I mean, after she threw the book and was angry, it’s not like she said, “Ping no give Daddy dirty diapers!”
She knew that denying love would be painful which means she gets the importance of love.

So, I am thrilled that she thought to deny me love.
I can only hope everyone gets that chance to have their children tell them that they don’t love them.

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Adrian Berzenji

Adrian and Roberta have been married for over 13 years. They were married for 1 year when they decided to “wait 3 to 5 years” before having children. They bought a 1-bedroom condo and a 2-door car and were pregnant 2 weeks later. Nine months later, Kole was born (who is currently 12 going on 30). Shortly thereafter, their second son Dawson was born (10, going on, well . . . 10). Gemma came 4 years later (she is 6, going on 16). They were pregnant with Ping for about 2 years, but she came to them in November 2009 from Guangdong, China and is currently 4 1/2 years old. Adrian blogs about their family story and daily life here. Visit and be impacted…and amused by his wit.