A Word on the Backwards and Beautiful Journey to Adopt My Son

It is I who dwell in the womb this time

rather than he

Formed, already, in the depths
he has passed into light

So instead, I go there
to be formed, molded, and shaped
into the thing I am becoming:
Mother.

I hear the pulsing
heartbeat
of time
I know I am moving forward
closer to the day of my birth

I feel pressure
The world constricts around me
tighter
tighter
my own heart slows
I fear that I can hardly breathe

Then
the pressure ceases
I dwell in hope
and comfort for a while

The rhythm cotinues,
contraction
relief
contraction
relief

I am angry
I am hopeful
I am worried
I am relieved

I pray for delivery
from this vague and murky waiting place
I pray for delivery into clarity, into light
into his arms
into his heart
to see his face

This is a backwards, beautiful journey:

My son,
he
is birthing
me.

________________________________________

Jillian Burden

Jillian Burden is an expectant mama; she and her husband are expecting their first child by way of a Russian adoption. While her belly might not be expanding, her heart and her faith sure are growing! You can read about this soul stretching journey to parenthood on her blog as they get ready to take their second and final trip to Russia to bring him home.