For his Birthfather: I’m doing the best I can, sir.

When I was messing with your hair that day, right after this picture was taken, my heart took a left when I figured it would have taken a right.

To the right would have been throwing you on the sofa and tickling you until you fart.
To the left was that place I accidentally stumble into every few months.
That place that looks, tastes, smells, and feels funny.
The last few strokes of your hair I imagined your father’s hair.
It must feel similar to this.
It must be light and wispy.
I wonder, right now, if his fingers are running through his hair.
But he’s probably wearing a hat.
I wonder if his hands smell like the fish that he has been catching all day.
I hope they do, or his day would have sucked.
I wonder if they are more calloused than they were a year ago.
I’m sure those nets are a pain.
I wonder if when he looks at them…he wonders about yours.

And so I walked outside, looked up to the sky, and screamed…”He’s OK!!!!”

When I walked back into the house I had this romantic thought that maybe…

Right before I looked up…

You got off your fishing boat…

Looked up…

And screamed

?????????!!!!!!!

(Is my son OK?!)

Then I looked at the clock and realized it was 2 am in Seoul.
I got sad for a second…that my dream was a joke…
Until I realized…
He was probably dreaming of you.
Laying on his wispy hair.

I’m doing the best I can sir…
I promise…

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Carlos Whittaker is an artist, pastor, thinker, experience architect, and Web 2.0 junkie. He and his wife Hetaher have 3 children.  In November 2006 they adopted their son Losiah from Seoul Korea. Carlos lives to ignite a movement of authenticity among all generations of Christians that morphs the face of the evangelical church into a place of being real with yourself, others, and God.