The Mother

From March 18, 2012…


There is a woman out there somewhere who is still grieving.

She is grieving because one year ago she gave birth to a tiny, beautiful little girl. A little girl she didn’t keep.

Did this woman give her daughter a name?

Did she trace the delicate, fair skin of her daughter’s face, and does she still dream of her daughter’s round cheeks and button nose?

How many days did it take to sleep through the night without waking up to feed her little one, the one who wasn’t there anymore?

Does she know that her daughter was loved? That her daughter found a home and arms and comfort?

And does she know that her daughter is in heaven?

I ache for Paige’s birthmother. I’m sure that she thinks of her little child today and every day, wondering if her baby got the help that she desperately needed. This woman must have been desperate. I think she knew that Paige needed more than a poor worker’s salary could provide. So she gave her up. She abandoned Paige to the life of an orphan because life as an orphan was better than death. And Paige’s mama loved Paige so much, that she was willing to break her own heart to give Paige a chance at life.

Because, you see, Paige had a very complex and serious heart disease.

Giving Paige up, leaving her alone, tore something sacred out of this mother’s heart. But she loved her baby and she knew that she was not able to provide adequately for her. She hoped that someone else might.

Did we provide adequately?

We were waiting until she was stronger before putting her body through the risky surgery that she would need. She was never too cold. She was never too hot. She got to go outside to breathe fresh air. She was given the chance to learn new things, like rolling over. Paige had just learned to roll over, and as I watched her balancing her chest, I dared to hope that the heart inside was being supernaturally healed.

Paige was prayed for. Paige was sung to. Paige was doted upon.

But the question that wracks my heart is, “why didn’t God allow for Paige to spend those 6 months in her mother’s arms, if she was just to die anyways.”

Because just as my heart is right now breaking, remembering Paige, the mama’s heart is surely cracking too.

I know that she remembers.

I hope that somewhere, deep inside her heart, she knows and has peace about her little pixie. I hope that she feels rest and comfort in her soul, knowing that Paige is in the one and only place where there will be no more tears, no more pain, no more desperate abandonments and no more orphans.

Especially today, on what would have been her first birthday.

In honor – in celebration – of Paige’s life, I am raising money to provide another little angel with the heart surgery she so desperately needs. Go to to find out how you can get involved.


chinese adoption

Hannah Samuels

When Hannah traveled to China in 2002 with her parents to adopt her sister Elisabeth, she fell in love with the country and people. In 2004, when her other sister Naomi was adopted, she started dreaming of going back. It took 5 years for that dream to come true. She now serves in a foster home for special needs orphans in China. Hannah spends her days studying, writing for the foster home and on her personal blog, Loving Dangerously, and most importantly, holding babies. Hannah loves the adventure of living overseas with her family. It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it.


Congrats to Cydil Waggoner who won the giveaway for the book A Cord of Three Strands!

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