Surrounded by Loneliness

Adopting is tough. I don’t think anyone will disagree with that statement. But for me, the most difficult part of this journey has been the loneliness. It’s the kind of loneliness that seeps into the marrow of your bones when no kindred heart can be found.

Seems silly doesn’t it? I have a ton of friends, so why would I be lonely? I even have several friends that have adopted children…adopted from places like China or Guatemala.

But I think that’s it…that’s the difference. I know lots of families that have adopted internationally but not so many that have adopted domestically. In fact, I only personally know one other family besides us that has embarked on this unique road.

It’s not that I think my domestic adoption is harder than your international adoption. It’s just different. It’s a different process with different timelines and different hurdles to clearn..

I don’t know what it’s like to wait for a Russian database to give me a referral and tell me if I can travel. But I do know what it’s like to wait for a birth mom to pick my family based on a few pictures in a scrapbook.

I don’t know what it’s like to travel to China and pick up my daughter from a foster care family or orphanage. But I do know what it’s like to watch my daughter being born from another woman’s womb only to return home empty handed.

Domestic adoption is lonely. Well-meaning friends often ask why we would subject ourselves to the stress of such uncertainty. And most days, I don’t really know how to answer them. I just know it’s what God has put on our hearts, it’s what he has asked us to do, it’s what we are doing.

I long for connection with women just like me, other moms pursuing adoption, right here, in the good ole’ USA. Not because it’s better or worse but because it’s different and different often equals lonely.

PS, the picture in the beginning of the post? That’s me…watching my adopted daughter Maggie being born. I even cut the cord. It was a surreal moment right up to the part when we returned home empty handed. See what I mean? It’s just different.

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If you have adopted domestically or are in the process, we would love for you to link up your blog below Sharee’s bio.  Our prayer is that you would connect with other families going through the same journey as you.

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Sharee Morris is a wife, mother, follower of the Most High King, dessert junkie, dog loving, adventure seeking normal gal. She lives in Texas with her husband Chip and daughter Sydney. In her former life (pre-kid), Sharee was a broadcast journalism drop-out turned event planner and fundraiser. She even taught elementary school for a few years in hopes of building a perfect career to maintain while having kids. Sharee had everything planned out…or so she thought. In 2006, after the birth of her daughter, Sharee was hit hard with a life-threatening form of post-partum depression. You can read about her story HERE where she chronicles the details of her journey and how God revealed himself as the supreme rescuer. She continues to write about her adventures with God, committing to live out-loud the joys and sorrows this world has to offer. Currently, she and her husband are in the process of adding a second child to their family through an open domestic adoption.


9 Responses to Surrounded by Loneliness

  • elisa says:

    I know EXACTLY how you feel. I was so jealous (and still am) of all of the groups that form and friends that are made from international adoption. It just doesn’t really exist for domestic. It’s often a lonely road.

  • Jennifer P says:

    We adopted through foster care and had similar difficult “different” journeys. You are right about the “alone” part. After adopting (also) from China, you are also right about the comradery surrounding international adoption. The communities created are amazing. We need those here in the USA. Great post.

  • Kimberly Frazier says:

    Hi!

    I don’t have a blog but would love to walk this journey with you. I have eight beautiful children, 3 whom joined our family through domestic adoption and we have just started the process to adopt again. They have all come to us as newborns. Adoption is definately a roller coaster ride and every one of our adoptions has been very different. Feel free to contact me.

    Kimberly F

  • No blog (yet) but am walking this same road. We experienced all the joy last July as we were matched after a year and a half of waiting. And all the heartache leaving the hospital with empty arms when mom changed her mind. (Our was not as deliberate as yours, she just never stopped to really let herself feel what it was going to be like and in the end couldn’t do it.)

    And so here we wait. Having quit my job in preparation to be a SAHM here I sit. Waiting on the Lord. I was encouraged yesterday that in this time of waiting and doing the daily things He puts before me He is preparing me, healing me, giving me rest, and just plain loving on me. Choosing to see this time as a gift.

    Looking forward to the link ups.

  • mosey says:

    Oh do I know what you are saying!!!

  • Amber says:

    I’m there with you! But so thankful that I’ve found a community of godly amazing adoptive (domestic) mommies!!

  • Gaby says:

    Hi, all. We have two adopted children, both domestic. In fact, they are biological siblings only adopted 18 months apart as infants. We are in the process of adopting internationally now so we will have both experiences when it’s all said and done. I understand the feeling of loneliness. We have been blessed with a church full of people who have adopted both domestically through foster care, private adoption, and agency adoption, and internationally. The support has been amazing so I know how important it can be.

  • Lindsay says:

    I don’t have a blog, but I’d love to connect with you as well. Our daughter was born in 2007 and we’re waiting for a domestic adoption now. I hear exactly what you’re saying! If you can see my email, feel free to contact me!

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