Questions, Questions, Questions…

“My first momma couldn’t care for me? Why?”

“Will I see my China momma in heaven?”

“Do you think I have a brother or sister in China?”

“Can I write her a letter?”

“I guess it is kinda cool to know I have three mommies.”

“Will I ever meet her?”

“Did I use a pacifier?”

“What was my first word?”

“Was I a cute baby?”

“Do you think she misses me?”

“Is it because of my cleft palate?”

“Why couldn’t I grow in your tummy?”

*Deep breath.*

These are all questions that Shea and Avery have asked me over the past several years. At first, the questions literally took my breath away.

Especially the first one.

I was so unprepared.

Shea was only three and a half when she asked me why her first momma couldn’t care for her.

It was utterly heartbreaking…

We were reading Shaoey And Dot: Bug Meets Bundle by Mary Beth Chapman and Steven Curtis Chapman.

We had read that book many times before.

But, suddenly at that time at that moment…

Shea asked about her first momma.

Shea asked why.

“Why couldn’t {she} care for me?”

It brought tears to my eyes. My little girl was three.

Only.three.years.old.

I remember telling myself to breath.

I should have known it was coming. Right?

I was so unprepared.

Now.

These questions?

They are becoming a part of “our normal.”

These questions no longer take my breath away.

My heart still aches for my girls.

They are only six and five years old.

These ‘topics’ are so deep.

So primal.

So part of who they are and who I am as their mom.

Normal.

Normal?

Our normal.

Do I have all the answers?

No.

Will I ever?

No.

Do we ponder the fairness of it all?

No.

I mean, what is ‘fair’?

Will it change anything?

Nope.

Adoption is complicated.

Life is complicated.

Bottom line:

Shea & Avery know and trust that they can talk to me about anything.

They know that I love them.

COMPLETELY.

UNCONDITIONALLY.

ALWAYS.

Even better…..

They know they are loved by a God who knew them and formed them before they were born.

They are precious children of God.

They are His treasure.

They are valued by Him.

They will need to hold on tightly to these truths.

Why?

Because I believe the questions will get harder as Shea and Avery grow older.

They will become wiser and more aware of the ways of the world.

The questions will be more complex.

More challenging.

And the answers might be harder to hear.

Harder to understand.

Downright frustrating.

Perhaps heartbreaking.

And I as their mother need to be ready and as prepared as I can be…

For the questions.

Because this is not about the answers.

Not really.

This post is about the questions.

About making sure my little girls feel secure enough to ask these questions.

And that these questions not necessarily define us as a family, but that these questions are just a part of who we are as a family.

These questions are part of:

Our Normal.

________________________________________

Chris Beringer

Chris and Dave have been married forever! They live in the Land of Cheese: Wisconsin. They have been blessed with five children, three by birth (who are in their twenties) and two – “The Littles” (ages 6 and 5) through adoption. Chris is also the Sponsorship Director for An Orphan’s Wish and feels privileged to be working on the behalf of the children who live at the House of Love in Guilin, China. Please stop by her blog any time to peek in on her crazy but immensely fulfilling life.

One Response to Questions, Questions, Questions…

  • Amy says:

    Chris – this post was just fabulous, and a WONDERFULLY grounding set of thoughts for me — I think often and am asked often by my 3 1/2 year old questions about his looks and how he is different from us… and he tries to crawl onto my tummy regularly and says “i wish I grew in your tummy”… teaching him more directly that he DOES have a parent who has known him through his entire life is a fantastic consideration… thank you so much for sharing this… Sincere cheers – Amy

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