I Was Minding My Own Business

Well, technically I wasn’t or I wouldn’t have been reading this blog about another person’s life.

However…

I was minding my own business,

strolling through Google reader,

perfectly happy with my life of four little girls,

glad that I had survived thus far in the whole adoption experience,

so satisfied that all of us were alive and thriving,

and I still possessed some sense of my sanity…

and then I saw this picture on a blog I follow…

and I knew.

I knew alot of things in that moment.

I knew that adopting Lily is one of the most wonderful life experiences I have ever had,

(It’s right up there with salvation, meeting, and marrying my Leading Man, giving birth, but different and unique from all of those and one that has changed all of us collectively, as a family.)

that I would be robbing all of us to not take this adoption journey again,

that the issue is really not, “why would we do this again,” but “why not?”

I knew that I WANT another child because I truly love being a mother. And having a child grow in my heart instead of my womb has truly been one of the most powerful things that has ever happened to me.

I knew that this hasn’t been an inconvenience to my family but has only made us stronger, fulfilled us,

and the life of these children is too precious a thing to waste because of my own selfish comforts.

I just want to read this book, can I just take a bath without interruptions, I DO NOT WANT TO DRIVE A VAN!!!

All the arguments, they are really so futile.

I have truly believed I was done until this moment.

I thought I had done what God had wanted me to and now I was finished.

But, this picture has completely revealed to me that we need to adopt again…

heck, that as CRAZY as this sounds to myself,

and literally at this moment I am shocking myself

I WANT to do this again. I believe there is another child out there for us.

And not only that, I am POSITIVE I think we should adopt an older child some where between Girl #2 and Girl #3.

I guess this is the point that I tell the Leading Man…

but wait…

that is going to make it REALLY official!

Am I seriously considering this????

Help me Lord!

This sounds completely ridiculous, but these are my stupid arguments at this moment:

  • I kind of like this even number thing…
  • We just got a new car, and we will be filling our last open seat. Won’t it be too stuffy? We can’t get another car, we just got one…and I am NOT driving a van!
  • I still feel that I am making so many mistakes with Lily why would I subject yet another life to the torture we know as, Anna???
  • That would mean more years I go without being able to read a book, travel with just my husband, take a quiet bath…
  • Isn’t it too soon? Won’t I be robbing Lily?
  • People are going to think we are crazy.
  • Wait a sec, am I doing this for blog love or because I am addicted to the exciting experience???
  • I don’t want to go back to China…maybe we can go get a child from Africa…that would be good, huh???

God: Shhhhhhhh! My timing is perfect. This life is not about you, although you know I only have your best in mind. You know I love you and will take care of everything. I believe in you, Anna, and you are more equipped than you know. You don’t have to drive a van if you don’t want to…you can get one of those VW buses you’ve always liked, if you want. Who cares what people think, just follow Me. I think you and I both know there is not enough blog love in the world that could make you want another child…on purpose…And, Anna,…sure, we can go get a child from Africa (wink, wink).

…Ok, this is really happening.

________________________________________

Anna Lokey

Anna Lokey and her husband Shaun have been married 11 years. They have the joyful privilege of parenting four little girls. Three biological (Zoe-8, Hazel-5, Sophie-3) and the fourth, Lily (age 2), recently adopted from China. Anna is a homeschool mom trying everyday to bring up their girls in a loving, Jesus-centered home! She and her husband help lead worship at their church and serve in the children’s ministries. Anna enjoys reading, working out, and playing pretend with her girls. You can read more about them and their Anything but LoKEY life on her blog–as well as read the rest of their story as they embark on the adoption adventure again!

One Response to I Was Minding My Own Business

  • Stephanie says:

    I love your honesty! I especially love that you share the “stupid arguments” you wrestled with…I, for one, can relate! :)

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