Adoption is Hard

Adoption is BEAUTIFUL, but it is HARD.

Adoption is REAL people/kids who have LOST EVERYTHING.

ALL adopted kids experience some kind of grief and trauma. And, yes, even children who are placed in their adopted parents arms right after birth experience the grief of losing their biological mother. It is just the way God designed us! God intended the relationship between a child and their biological parents to be the strongest human bond. But, because we live in a BROKEN world, this is not always the case. There are over 160 million children who are orphaned worldwide (UNICEF).

This week one of our children worked through some of their grief. It started over something very insignificant but ended in me rocking this child for over an hour while they wailed at the top of their lungs, and we listened to praise music. Much of this time was spent with both of us crying for the loss, the trauma, the hurt and the fear.

I tell you this because adoption is hard but worth every tear. God adopts us into His kingdom. When we decide to give our lives to Christ we can experience many of the same emotions. We hold onto the things of our past; we might fear the past or future; we grieve the past and slowly start trusting God. It takes time to give our WHOLE lives to God; it takes time to TRUST God with the small details; and it takes time to KNOW God will make all thinks work together for good like He tells us. It is a process similar to forming your family through adoption.

But as a Christian, we have the hope and joy of the future. We have understanding that we will spend eternity worshiping our King. We know that God has made us new, and He lives in us. But, we fight this because of our fleshly desires (sin).

Adoption is hard, but it is worth it. It is worth the cost of redemption because we are talking about human souls that will live forever in heaven or in hell. God wants to use the hard times so we can draw close to Him. God wants to rock us and tell us it will be okay. He will take care of us. He will provide for our needs. He will love us even when we sin. He loves us despite our wicked hearts. ALL GOD WANTS IS FOR US TO LOVE HIM!

Please do not let fear hold you back from adopting a precious child. God will give you the strength and wisdom you will need.

Although we had a painful night, we have seen tremendous strides in this child. God did heal parts of our child’s heart!


Danielle Banker

Danielle is married to the love of her life, Doug. She is a stay-at-home mom who is starting to home school and loves orphan advocacy. God has used His plan of adoption to impact their lives. They brought home their first two children from Ethiopia in June 2010 (4 and 1 years old), and they hope to adopt many more children. You can follow their journey here.


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2 Responses to Adoption is Hard

  • Amen! Too often we want to gloss over the hard parts so we don’t ‘scare away’ others from adoption but honesty is always the best policy! It allows others to see God working in families! Thanks for sharing!

  • Tracie says:

    We have been blessed to adopt three children. The first two were such seamless transitions. However, our third was one of those journeys where we had to go into that deep, dark place inside her and walk her out. It was a LOOOONG road. Somedays it felt as if we didn’t even have a flashlight, but now looking back, I realize that the Spirit of God guided our every step. Even though we had no clue what we were doing, he covered our mistakes and expounded on the right things we did. It took a good two years or more, but I am THRILLED to say that she can love! God is so faithful and good! As the song says, “When it looks like we’ve lost it all, and we haven’t got a prayer…Jesus will still be there!”

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